I’ll tell you

LA rules for a couple of reasons. Warm weather, an amazing city. Beautiful beaches, and tits.

Don’t get me wrong. Because I love beautiful beaches and warm weather. But I really , really love tits. People say, Randy, what kind of tits do you like? Big Ones? Doesn’t matter. I don’t discriminate, and I am no racist. I love them all, even old ones.

What I hate is the people who own the tits. They never let me do anything. I can’t hold em or suckle, and they give me nasty looks when I stare at their beautiful tits. Like that’s a crime. Sometimes I watch the golden sunset, or watch the ocean for hours, but I am a criminal for staring at the ebb and flow of some beautiful breasts.

But I have found a way around that. Hookers.

This is why I am proud to be an American. That and fishsticks.

your pal randy

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