I did NOT fuck Bill O’Reilley

Here is what happened.

I was at a Hollywood party over the weekend, and there were a lot of tv people there. Some of the folks from American Idol, and Lost, and Grey’s Anatomy, and stuff like that. Well, I was talking To Simon, and telling him that when he acts like an asshole on tv, a little bit of diarrhea drips out into my underwear, and he was saying “Thanks” and that he shits himself all the time. It was then , that I noticed Bill O’Reilly staring at me from across the room, sipping a cocktail.

So I walked over to him, and told him my name, and that I really liked the way he fucked average Americans nightly on his show. And that I thought is was cool that he will do anything for money like a whore. And that any bitch, who would sell out the American people, like he did, should be punished.

He grabbed my hand and put it on his slacks and I felt a huge erection.

Now I’m not gay, but I figured that I was going to fuck the shit out of him that night no matter what. So I told him I needed a pounding, and he made a weird sound like..”Uhhhgggnn” then said ” Let’s go”

We went back to his room and he yelled at me to “take my fucking pants off.” And I’ve never got undressed so fast, I’ll tell you. Well, he made me get on all fours and he came out from the closet in a pig mask and ran over to me. Shouting something about him being “king of all media” , and then he pulled his penis out of his pants, but as soon as he got it out of his underwear, he ejaculated immediately, and then started to cry.

You can only guess how embarrassed I was. I asked him if he would finish me off, and he screamed at me to leave to room as he cried in a corner in his little pig mask. When I left the room, he had his ass in the air and he was farting and dry humping the rug in his tighty whitey undies as he scooted around the room on his belly.

So I don’t care what you hear from the gossip bunch,

I did not fuck Bill O’Reilly

Your pal Randy

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