Star Wars Movie Review

George Lucas

This has spoilers….so don’t read if you need to see for yourself.

Anyway, I got a call from George lucas, the guy with the chin neck and the funny metal shavings beard., and he said that they were going to have a special screening with Steven spealburg of Goonies fame and steven Segal the balding guy with the pony tail who’s always kicking ass, and the fat guy Ebert who likes movies that make you cry, or anything from Disney. and a whole bunch of people from ABC, CBS and E entertainment, and Evel Kenevial. But that was it cause George doesn’t want to hype this movie too much. So I figured ok, I’ll go, but Me and Evel Kenevial get to sit in the back. So we went to the theater, and it was nice. Me Evel and steve Segal we got stoned in the parking lot, and so when I was walking in, I couldn’t stop staring at Georges neck beard thing. It’s kind of creepy. Evel was starting shit with the popcorn kid, throwing popcorn at his head and telling him he could jump him and his whole family, it was gonna be a good show. I was pumped.

So down goes the lights, up comes the theme music, so far so good. We start out with all that far, far away blah blah blah stuff and I’m so high I think I’m gonna just run out of the theater, then we focus in on this Jar Jar character, and Evel Kenevial starts laughing really loud, I mean loud. It sounded like sobody’s baby crying in the theater. George is turning around all mad, it was getting really bad. So This Jar Jar guy who looks like a big texture map is walking around all stupid, and then there is this kid from Eight is Enough who delivered a great performance, and the guy from Train spotting with a really bad haircut, but no Darth Vader. Now I know that the little eight is enough kid is supposed to be Darth Vader, but come on. They tried to make another villain but it looked like a little circus monkey with face paint on. So here is the movie. Alot of texture maps walk around in every scene and then there is a sword fight with a double edged light saber and the circus monkey with face paint is all bad, and then a whole bunch of space ships float around with some more texture maps that don’t fit into the background plate. and then there is some sad music, and then right when I was getting into the movie and that Jar Jar texture map guy was getting so annoying that I started to like him, Evel Kenevial yells…” YOU SUCK!” and farts really loud. So now George is pissed, and we get kicked out of the theater, That sissy Segal, shrank down in his seat as George came buy with the flashlight. And the real killer is, when george shined the light on Evel’s face he had a mouth full of popcorn and he farted again and said “youthf schuckth! spitting popcorn all over the place.

So anyway, I didn’t get to see the end of the film. and Me and Evel are BANNED from THe RANCH. but all in all it was a really good movie. The animation was excellent, they didn’t cut any corners, the rendering is second to none. A great job really. I would be proud that when I left this earth I would have left behind that legacy.

that’s all

your pal

R.J.Krandell

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