George Lucas Urinated In My Eyes

Randy Maul

Since the beginning of film, there has been many triumphs, and many mistakes. There has been people who try and get their soul out to the masses and people who sold their houses to help make a creative act. There are many, many, many things that have not worked. And as human being it is our right to use this knowledge to grow and change. It is the one true thing that separates us from all other life forms. We can see mistakes and we can learn from them. We can CHANGE. There is one word that describes the one true mistake of the 20th century, it is not war, or hate or killing. It is not starvation, or environmental extermination. it is simply Jar Jar.

I have never in my life seen a bigger piece if shit than Star Wars episode who gives a shit. My god, I don’t even know where to start. All the pot in the world could not help that film. It was an onslaught of unimaginative garbage being spewed through a plato pump called TOY’S R US. The very fact that George is one of the only men in the world who can make a movie without producers changing his vision, and a huge production company at his finger tips, and he made Jar Jar. Think about that. That man could have changed our opinions of the possibility’s of Science Fiction for ever. He could have proven anything, and he gave us Jar Jar. I sat in a movie theater for two and a half hours while George peed in my eyes. I gave that bastard five whole dollars to be shit on from a screen. I feel dirty. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “well now Randy, that’s a little harsh, actually I thought Darth maull was…NO, No No, there is no defending it. I don’t care that you liked Star Wars in 1977, and have all the action figures. Go into a dark room, breath a little, forget about Darth Vader, and think clearly. It sucked. every moment in that film sucked. It sucked even more than spawn. I know that if you looked fast enough you might see ET the extra terrestrial in the corner, who gives a shit, it sucked. And here is the killer, I know people who left good jobs to work on their dream movie. Can you imagine if you quit, and went to ILM and worked under those stupid conditions to fulfill your dream, and you got to work on Jar Jar. Remember those Japanese kids who would fail a test and commit suicide? Remember them? I thought that was a bit extreme, NOT ANY MORE. If I ever quit a studio, with some heart and integrity, and I worked at ILM under that ego land of uninspired geeks and George asked me to animate Jar Jar, I’d go home and suck on a shot gun. You would find me floating in a tub with my wrists cut and in blood on white tiles I would write Jar Jar did this. And to get off this morbid trail I’m going down, I will say this, even though we work on films that don’t get any credit at all, and we could never impress anyone with what we do. We stand alone in a mire of shit. We are one of the last beacons of hope in a film world gone mad. It doesn’t mean we don’t or wont work on shitty films, if you know what I mean and I think you do. But, have no delusions, it sucks out there.

be really proud people

your pal randy

> dude. you worked on, like, Komodo

I don’t think you got it. Komodo was a piece of shit, and will always be a piece of shit. BUT, nobody cares or will ever care about that movie. We will be lucky if it even comes out on video, or even a screen saver. You see the difference here. How long have we heard people chirp about Star Wars. There is not one kid in this country who is looking forward to Komodo. And I might be wrong here, but I bet our effects look like they are in the backround plate not on the backround plate.

Ps It’s ok, I have some action figures too.

your pal Randy

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