The Haunting of Jan DeBonts white hair


Ok here we go..

First off I’m gonna skip right to the end of the movie. It SUCKED. That was the most lame ending to a movie since Star Wars episode one. I’ve got a great idea when you’re making a movie…..HAVE A VISION. I’m not all that bright and all, but wouldn’t it help to have some sort of resolution to your story before you make it. I thought the whole point to telling a story was the ending, you know that vital point that gives it some punch, some extra ummph! Anyway, I guess being a great hollywood director relieves you of those annoying little things called plot and story. When Nell called him grandpa, I turned around and punched some little old lady who was sitting behind me, just so I could feel kinda good about how stupid that one was. There is only one movie in the history of movies that I believe you are allowed to call somebody grandpa, and that’s TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. But that’s a whole other story. As for the rest of the movie, I kinda liked it. There was some scary mansion stuff, there was great sound effects through the whole movie, and the characters were ok. Boy did I think I was going to hate that blonde dude with the fucked up nose. He looked like such an ass, but he was funny. I also liked the fact that they didn’t do stupid shit like root around in the cellar with a candle. They all seemed like smart people. When Nell ran into rooms she turned the light on. And when they figured out that the little brat wasn’t lying and there was a mean old ghost in the house, they started trying to bust out, breaking shit. I liked that part too. All and all I liked a lot of the movie, and I have a little something to tell you people, so you understand where my pride is coming from. As a kid I loved Horror movies, and I still do. Like many of you, I hung some fangoria posters from An American Werewolf in London on my wall, and dreamed of sculpting for Rick Baker, or getting the at home fx package from Dick Smith, and him calling me personally and being flabbergasted with how good my work was, and well…none of that stuff happened, and I got into animation, doing really bad clay tv commercials, and basically dry humping the cash cow for years, just to earn a living. But my desire to see a person get torn to pulpy pieces by some large animal, never really went away. And one fine day I guess I fooled Mr Tippett into thinking I was good enough to work on some bug movie. Well Five movie later I’m still killing people on the screen. We aren’t making movies about little cute bugs who want to be accepted in society, we aren’t making movies that The mighty ape man is best friends with Rosie Odonell and they sing together. We are killing and hurting innocent people, and it feels great. Think about it…Five for five…Even in a Disney movie we swallowed a man whole.

and let’s face it….thats fucking great.

July 26, 1999

this just in. . .



What in the hell are you thinking! Working on a PG 13 horror movie? Horror movies are not PG13. Bless the Beasts and Children is PG 13. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and The Boy in the Bubble is PG 13. You can’t get scared with PG 13. You can get cottoncandy and a hickey, but not up late at night with doody pants. I want doody pants! Don’t make me write these letters.

Leave a Reply