Flying to New York

Now I’m not the kind of guy who likes to scare people or anything but planes go down. And I’m going to fly home to New York this Christmas. Here is my problem. Six hours of shit scared randy stairing out the little window of doom. Some people say ” planes are the safest form of transportation and blah blah yuk yuk whatever. I’m talking about a huge metal tube burning and crumbling with limbs flying out into space and people puking and shitting in their pants. Think about it this way, If you go in a train or car your just going along talking about Bill Clinton and his funny buisness when WHAM boom its over. So some people suffer a bit but the point is, your surprised, You didn’t know it was coming. But when your in a plane you got a couple of minutes to ponder all the shitty things you did before you start looking like tuna salad. And thats my problem. It’s the way down thing that I dont like. And because of guilt I’m gonna fly in the god damm snow. And you know what that means folks. Icy wings, hot coffee spills in the cockpit, me sitting right next to the bathroom, Lets face it we’re talking slay ride to hell here. So I figure I’ll make you guys a deal. If my plane goes down I will grab hold of the weakest looking kid on the plane and start kicking the almighty crap out of him. I mean I will beat him until he looks like the tacos at Juans. and I will keep beating him until the great fire ball comes and it’s all over.

Or some valium so I can sleep the whole way through.

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