Author Archive

Spiderman 3

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

Spiderman 3 I hate my own animation is what it should be called.

ok here goes

For those of you who know me, you know that I don’t particularly like super heroes or their movies. batman sucked Superman sucked and the freaking Green lantern sucked.

and yes Spiderman sucks.

As an animator, there is nothing fun about animating a guy in tights. Because when it’s all said and done, it’s just a guy in tights. I don’t care if he is flipping through the air or swinging in some stupid spider rope.

The thing that I am the most angry about with this movie is that they stole my thunder when Peter turns into an asshole and starts pointing at all of those girls. That is my fucking shtick, and I’m pissed that that asshole Sam Rami put it in a movie where other people can steal my thunder.

the only reason I wasn’t bored watching this is because I was high. And I’m talking two joints.

Don’t get me wrong. This movie isn’t as shitty as the Matrix, when all those assholes in robes have a dance party. And I liked the sandman. He was a good Character even though he wore a stupid striped shirt like Ernie or Bert.

by the way, i did the shot where the giant Sandman gets hit by rockets and swaggers around like a stupid asshole and then falls to dirt,

I know, i know, fucking great animation. Thanks.

All and all I thinks it’s a good “once over” film if you are stoned on grass and you like to watch guys in tights fight on a skateboard.

Me, Id rather watch porn.

I love you people

Your pal randy

Time machine

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

If I could do anything for mankind. If I could use anything to help out people on this planet, I would invent a time machine. Then I would travel back in time and fucking kill Alexander Graham Bell.

That dushebag has no idea the trouble he started.

When I was a kid, it was a time called Nineteen Seventy. And for the most part it was awesome.

My Mom had a coup[le of friends that were real assholes on the phone. They would call her up and fucking gab like there was no tomorrow. One woman was named Betsy, and the other was named Francine or however the fuck you spell it.

Anyway those two assholes were always on the horn, and to make matters worse they were on the horn fucking everything up. Especially my day. they would call up my mom and Nark on me, that they saw me and I wasn’t at school, all sorts of shit.

But the one thing that was different was

they were attached to the fucking wall.

Now every asshole from here to New Jersey is on the fucking phone everywhere you go. It’s the the whole world turned into a BetsyFrancine monster and they are making calls. Who needs to drive when you can talk on the phone and coast between lanes?

Hot chicks walking down the street used to have to deal with getting hit on. Now they have a phone attached to their ear cock blocking everyone.

I still hit on them, There is nothing better then bothering a woman until she puts the phone down and then asking her for her number. The face they make is awesome.

Well, that’s it. I am reaching out to you people to stop the madness and hang up the phone. It sucks, and people who are on the phone suck. think about it

your pal Randy

Who wants to animate a car?

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

I got a call from these assholes that made the Matrix are in need of another previs person to go to Berlin and help out on Speed Racer. Any animators who are interested write me bitches!

I’m not on this project, I’m just trying to hook up a friend.

Your pal Randy

Road Rage

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

I was in a bit of road rage this morning. It was me and this dude in a van. I wasn’t so angry but the guy in the van was pissed off! Holy shit. And the truth is, that it was awesome.

I love the meltdown of it all. I love the fact that as people we’ve become totally detached from each other and the world is getting even crazier and more violent by the day. I mean compared to Sparta, we are fucking cowards, but we’re getting there.

We base our religions and our governments all on the idea of helping people, but the truth is, that nobody really gives a shit. And the few who do care, well, they are a bit outnumbered.

Men have a real problem. We have this blue vein dick thing, that really causes some trouble out there. We feel the need to drive big trucks and convince everyone that we are tuff. What’s the difference between Gansta rap and Red Necks?

Nothing. They both suck. And when I say suck, I mean it. Everywhere I go, there is some asshole, who is acting tuff. White, Hispanic and Asian men acting Gansta.

I say acting, because they are acting. Sometime at puberty they were dumb enough to think that kind of thing would get them laid, so they started acting like what they see…other assholes. And unfortunately, there are a lot of women dumb enough to fuck these guys, reaffirming their very, very stupid lives.

People always say, Why do you blame women so much? It’s always about sex?

I do, and it is.

I blame women, because they have made it very difficult to score with, unless you are famous or tall. The rest of us, we are shit out of luck. Think about it. We have a society with lots of men who can’t get laid, and allowed to carry guns.

Sounds dangerous to me.

If I was in charge of things I would take all of the women who would want to make money off of their bodies and have a training camp. A training camp of hot bitches. These women would get paid millions. Everything they could want they could have. But, their job is to walk the streets, and fuck guys who need it, on the spot.

Two guys are angry in their commute, two hot bitches run in and give them a back seat party. End of conflict.

Now Im not saying that all women should have to do this. Just the hot ones. The ugly ones can work and suck an egg like the rest of us. And I know that there are a lot of old white men making the rules, and they are afraid of their penises and women so they condemn it. but these guys need to get laid. Lets face it.

Also, to be clear. I really don’t think that all of our troubles are women’s fault, I know that men suck. But I also know that men only want one thing.

And it rhymes with Orgasm.

I was smart enough a long time a go to just pay for it. All of that bullshit that is causing guys to walk into schools and start shooting, comes from getting turned down all the time and standing in front of a mirror with your penis in your hands. Fuck that.

Prostitutes never turn you down, and they will even act like they like it. Why even talk to a girl in a bar when there are prostitutes? can someone even explain it to me? and please don’t say anything about hearing what they have to say. I’ve talked to women in bars. It’s fucking dreadful. It’s like having a duh party.

More sex, less violence is all I’m saying. And support your local prostitute for christ sake.

Your pal Randy

Bragging

Friday, April 27th, 2007

I was caught bragging the other day. I was talking to this guy I work with, and I was, uhh…bragging, and he called me out on it. I was talking about some stuff that happened to me, and it was awesome stuff. I hate to brag, but so far, in my life, I’ve had a lot of stuff happen, and lets just say that most of it is kicks ass. I’m sorry I know I’m bragging, but I’ll get to my point in a minute.

Anyway. He said. ” I don’t talk about stuff like that because people would think I was bragging” and the way he said it, I could tell that he was annoyed, because he sounded like he just sucked on a lemon. And I was like, “That’s because I am bragging” and then we talked about some other stuff and that was that.

Now, later on when I was thinking about it, it really started to bother me. At first I felt bad, because I guess I’m an asshole because I brag about myself a lot. But then something hit me.

What the fuck is wrong with bragging?

think about it. Has our culture gotten so fucked up that the only thing that we are allowed to talk about is depressing shit.

Yes.

I could walk up to anyone, even people I don’t know, and say ” How about the Virginia Teck thing, so sad. the way all of those people died? Horrible, and the would say. Yes it’s so horrible?

Or Aids is so sad, and horrible, isn’t it. and anyone would agree yes, it’s so horrible and so sad. and then you can talk about that all day long.

but mention some good shit that happened to you, and people get upset.

“I don’t talk about good stuff” is what I think he should have said.

Almost everything we watch on tv is fucking beat, and the only reason we watch that shit, is because someone gets dicked.

American Idol. Who watches that because they want to see the upcoming new superstar? Or is it because you have weeks of people getting elimintaed. The real World, Survivor, Trump, the evening news? all fucking bummers. We watch it because we are interested in watching people fail.

We all love Michael jackson now because he looks like he is dead and he fucks little kids and runs from the law.

So fuck that shit, I am going to brag. And I am not interested in who doesn’t like you or what went wrong. Or how sad it is.

This life is awesome. Turn your fucking tv sets off. Quit being such an asshole and go out there and enjoy yourself.

your pal randy

teh REAL cuase of global warming

Friday, April 27th, 2007

Joe wrote:

You guys are so gullible you probable believe in global worming.
Duped again!

See what I’m talking about? If I was to go into a bar full of horney women and talk like this, I couldn’t get laid to save my life. I think these mails are like a form of abstinence in a way.

Joseph, I’m obviously not as smart as you, but just think for a minute about the pile of waste that you have made in your life. And I’m not talking about your career or the things that you say, I’m talking about the garbage that you as a person have eaten, bought, and thrown out. Then, just for a minute multiply that by the amount of people on the planet.

did you do it?

Now, is it a stretch to think that could have possibly caused some trouble for the environment? Or is it some evil leftist scientist plan to uh.. save the environment.

I would like to know what these people stand to gain by cleaning up the place?

Even if global warming is all fake. Why wouldn’t anyone want to support cleaning some shit up?

I don’t get it.

Now I know you’re bored at work making episode six or whatever the fuck you’re doing and you want to get a reaction out of people, but really.

trust me vaginas are great. You should think about getting one.

Or if you go that way, get yourself pounded. I’m ok with either

your pal Randy

randy needs lube

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

It’s always been true. Once when I was in high school, I couldn’t get
any, and I fucked a bunch of sticks.

I really could of used some lube back then.

That reminds me. I’ve been thinking of ways to help prevent some of the gun
violence in the USA, and I think I’ve got it.

What if all guns were legal, fucking automatic shit, you named it. But what
if they were shaped like  a penis? And were flesh color.

I think a lot of men would turn to stabbing.

Think about that

Your pal randy

Heffner

Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

I was watching that E entertainment show the other day, about the three playboy bunny’s, and Hue Heffner. and I have to say, I had more respect for Hue, before I saw that show.

If I was that rich, I would pay those women to shut the fuck up, when I walked into a room.

If there is a god, I want to know why he (or she) would make something as beautiful as Tyra Banks, and then let her be so stupid and annoying, that she can make a penis soft.

Can you imagine, Tyra talking to you? Sitting around in your house and talking to you? I’d fucking kill her.

I mean, I’m glad Hef is banging some women, and I think it’s the American dream. But why oh lord do they have to be so stupid.

Does a guy like Hef need to hear about what her dog was wearing? Or how they looked in boots? And is a vagina so great, that anyone can stand that much talking about nothing?

I know men suck, but that’s another email all together.

Women of America

one word

fuck you

Your pal randy

I’m not talking about all of you smart ugly women, you’re different.

Global warming update

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

I don’t think anyone is mocking religion, or worshiping false Idols. I think we’re seeing warning signs and trying to stay alive and have a hospitable world for our descendents.

That’s not true. I am.

I wish that everyone who was religious would burn, or get electrocuted, or explode in front of me.
I wish anyone dumb or lonely enough to believe in any of that shit, would get eaten by a bear or a lion.

I also wish that people who were “Right winged” would get into a huge gun battle, and kill each other.

Mr. stevenson’s problem is that he is either dumber then I was in kindergarten, or he just doesn’t know how to get laid. Because, anyone, and I mean even my dead grandmother, knows that you can’t get laid when you write emails like he does.

Sorry, that is a scientific fact.

Maybe, he is afraid of his penis, and he is ashamed, like most of the “right”, and he wants to prevent  people from wanting to suck his penis, maybe that’s why he writes it. I don’t know.

but if I wanted to dry up a vagina, I would write some of the things that he writes about global warming.

because by god, is it stupid.

your pal Randy

Eye patch

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

These pictures remind me, that as a group of people, we are fucking ugly. Not just that group, in the pictures, but all of us. The special effects crowd. Chubby dudes in horrible shirts with goatees. Sure we’re beautiful inside, but who the fuck cares about that. I’ll tell you.

Nobody

wait that’s wrong. your momma cares.

If where I worked, they suggested that I wear an eye patch so that I could take a picture by an Oscar, I think I would burn the place down, or kill myself. I’d shoot myself through the eye patch.

Now let me say right here and now, that the work in Pirates was awesome. I don’t doubt that these people really kicked ass on it,

I’m just commenting on how ugly we all are.

ESC had some hot people working there, but most of them got fired. I got “quit fired.” It depends on who you ask I guess. Also I’m not saying I was one of the hot ones. I’m quite ugly. I only get laid because I pay for it.

Your pal randy