Archive for the ‘Current Events’ Category

Tiger Woods

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Tiger Woods said he let his family down with transgressions he regrets “with all of my heart,” and that he will deal with his personal life behind closed doors.

The truth is, I never liked Tiger woods.

Until now. Actually that’s not true. I liked him for half a second when I found out the he was banging a cocktail waitress. I mean think about the words “cocktail” they go together. But now I don’t like him again because he did what any asshole money whore would do, he apologized so he could keep his sponsors.

First off, I hate sports and couldn’t give a shit about Tiger Woods. But I think there is a much bigger problem going on here and I’m sad to see it happen over and over again.

People apologizing about getting laid.

What the fuck? What are you apologizing for?  Being married? If that’s the case, he should apologize for all the times he jerked off in the shower while his wife made him breakfast.

I’m sick to death of men having, or more importantly faking sorrow over indiscretion. There is no such thing. And if your in a relationship I’m sure your partner wants you to be faithful to them and love only them, and it’s a bunch of bullshit and everybody knows it, especially your partner and that why they don’t like you going out on a Friday night.

Us monkeys need to get over the bullshit.

life is about getting laid. If you think your partner doesn’t want to fuck their office mate or some asshole they saw in the streets then you’re an idiot. If you think it’s wrong to go out and fuck somebody if you’re in a relationship, drop me a note and I’ll set you straight.

your pal Randy

David Carradine

Friday, June 5th, 2009

When I heard about his death I have to admit I was a little bit sad. Although I was never a real big fan of the kung fu show. I loved him in Kill Bill and a shitty horror film called Q. But then this morning I heard that he didn’t commit suicide, but rather died masturbating. And for this I love him. Now, lets be clear, nobody knows if in fact he was masturbating or had some Thai prostitute tie him up and work is elderly sack, but I don’t think that matters.

Here is what is really important. At seventy two years old you can still play “slap the helmet off the pink retard.”

I would rather be know for eternity as a guy who died jerking off over a guy who committed suicide. And that’s a fucking fact.

I also want to take a minute out and praise men for our sexual longevity. I’ve always been a little upset that women who have the ability to fuck multiple people every night of their lives, don’t really want to. And as a guy with a healthy sexual appetite I’ve spent years fucking logs and stuffed animals and anything that would let me. I always felt like it was unfair.
Until I realized that although women have all of the options in the world, those options dry up quite quickly at thirty five, then your just a talking ape at that point. with a whole bunch of “Blah blah blah” and “you know what I think?? and a whole lot of who the fuck cares, because you look like yoda now.

we get to fuck twenty year olds until we’re eighty( even if we have to pay for it) and maybe even die cuming on somebody tits.

It is in fact a beautiful world

Your pal Randy

Man Jailed For Putting Family’s Faces On Porn Pics

Friday, July 27th, 2007

A Utah County man will spend six weeks in jail for editing sexually explicit photographs — to include faces of family and LDS community members. Lance Rushton, 37, was sentenced to spend 45 days in jail for creating the bogus photos, which he even uploaded to the Internet — where they remained for approximately a year. After serving the sentence, Rushton then must wear a GPS tracking bracelet for an additional 45 days.

I guess it’s wrong what he did. But I think it’s great. I’m so sick of the USA’s stance on sexuality. I mean to catch a predator on NBC, with all of those assholes getting caught trying to fuck a thirteen year old, just busting these poor slobs, over and over again.

Now I’m not saying that it’s ok to fuck a thirteen year old, but I feel like those people on Nightline are just giving us half the story. First off, let me just say that I’m glad that out of all of the fetishes that I have, kids aren’t one of them. For the reason alone, that even when I talk to a twenty year old I want to fucking kill them. With those stupid pencil rap shit and the “You know what I’m saying?” shit every three seconds, I’m sorry, but I can’t relate. I couldn’t imagine trying to have a conversation with them just to get to some teen ass.

But, nobody can deny that men like ass, and a lot of it. It fucking wasn’t wrong back in Rome to score some teen ass, was it? It wasn’t wrong back in Egypt, to score some teen ass, and those muthers built the Pyramids. It’s only the last four hundred years, that we have these rules, and, if I might say so. it seems as though they aren’t working. I thinks it’s wrong to portray these people as being sick.

It’s not sick to have a teen on a fucking billboard with tight jeans on looking at you like she wants to fuck. That’s ok.

Also, and I know this makes people upset, but in america, nowadays, most of the people who have nice bodies, are teenagers, and by the time we hit twenty, we’re fucking disgusting. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying, think about it.

Personally, If you want to know what I really think, I think that people need to be more intimate. Sexuality brings people together. I’f you are a racist white asshole and you hate black people, the minute that a couple of sisters work your penis like crazy, is the minute that you will start thinking clearly. Whenever I tell this theory to women they get all bitchy and act like their vaginas are sacred. I tell them to go home and watch Oprah.

Men have ben giving up arms and legs and dying and being burnt to death and all sorts of tragic shit for your false sense of freedom. All I’m asking is that you fuck someone who your not attracted to. Big deal, I try and do that every weekend.

get it on people

Your pal Randy

Fat fuck kid

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

Fat hog like child kills majestic animal with a handgun.

I think this should be the title of the story, but it’s not. Now there is talk that the animal isn’t really that big, but I’ll tell you what the real tragedy is.

It’s that the fat little boy didn’t even get mauled by this amazing animal. Personally I wish the Gigantic Pig killed this little asshole in front of his parents before killing them, but I never get my way.

This story is proof of a couple of things. Number one. Any eleven year old can kill something if you have a gun. And number two people suck dick. First off, and lets be straight, I have said this before. I believe that anyone should be allowed to hunt anything they want. Even exotic animals like Tigers and Gorillas,

with a knife.

You want to hunt lions, go right ahead. I would love to have seen this picture if the kid had a knife. The little fat boy would look like red tissue paper.

Also, I think it should be a crime to be able to get fat eating meat.

Think about it for a second. That fat little kid, doesn’t he get enough to eat? It sure looks like it. I like to see that kid get fat on a fruit cup. It’s not possible. Now I’m not making fun of fat people. But getting fat on other animals misery is fucked up.

Why is it that we have no respect for anything? I bet you that fat little piece if shit believes in God. Can you imagine how stupid you would have to be to believe in God, and kill animals? Or have them killed for you?

Also, what is this desire we have to kill shit. I’ve never looked at an animal ever in my life and had the desire to kill it? When I was a kid I used to eat it, but that’s because I was stupid see, and then I grew up and actually thought about things, then I changed my ways.


The only desire I have is to fuck women, that’s it. That and have some ice cream. Sometimes both.

I really wish that people would start to see life for what it is. I wish that people could see what it is that they are doing, and eating, and knock it off.

I know bacon taste good, I don’t disagree. But put the fucking sandwich down you fat fuck and have a fruit cup.

Your Pal Randy

San Fran gun fight

Wednesday, November 1st, 2006

What happened to America? This place sucks now.

I know a lot of you hear me talk about getting laid, and I overuse the joke, but I have some serious questions. First off, What is so cool about being “hard” It’s what I have always hated the direction that Rap music took, this bullshit “Hard thing, that everyone is so fucking excited about. How come everyone thinks they are hard? and what is so great about it? I swear to God I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents who are seventy five started rapping with their Glock n shit.

It’s fucking stupid.

Your not hard if you shoot somebody, your just an asshole. Any seven year old kid can shoot somebody, as a matter of fact, they are doing it everyday out there. I’ll tell you who was “Hard” Jeffery Dammar. Because he actually ate the persons head. That’s “hard” And lets just cut to the chase, If Rap music was so fucking great, then why is it that any white asshole can mimic it? How many white guys out there are doing James Brown, or Barry White? I’ll tell you …none. Because they can’t. Even a tool like Kfed can do Rap music. because it fucking sucks.

We in the entertainment industry had better start coming up with some new material, because we are to blame in a big way. These idiots watch tv and movies and copy it. Little kids think that they are hardcore. The shame is, that I can watch a violent movie and not think I’m Scarface, but then again,
that’s why I rule so much.

Also, this is what kills me the most. It is easier and more acceptable to get into a fight or kill someone then it is to get laid in this country. For some reason the violence meter is out of control, but we have a big problem with gay people getting married. Who’s’ dumb fucking rules are those?

Fox news would have you believe that the terrorists are a real threat to the USA, but they couldn’t hold a candle to the amount of Americans, that Americans have killed. In the last ten years, Terrorists including 911, have killed about four thousand civilians. Americans have killed that many in this year alone. Any gun laws coming our way? Nope, oh, I was wrong, only the law that it is now ok, to sell someone a fucking machine gun. Good thinking.

Some asshole walks into a school and kills a bunch of kids. what does the media suggest? Maybe the teachers should have guns? Not should we get rid of them, only that we may need more. They should all get fired.

As a joke I always suggest to women, that they should go over seas and fuck the shit out of our enemy’s. If you want to solve the problem. And women get so angry at that. But here is the real question. Since America was founded, men, have been putting down their lives. Getting shot or blinded or blown up, losing legs and arms. I’m suggesting that we go over there and do something that actually feels good to do. Fuck the shit out of everybody, and to this people get upset. At the idea of doing something that feels good.

think about that.

Good job ruining San Francisco on Halloween night, you are soo street and soo hard.

You also need to get laid

your pal Randy

gettin it

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

BOGOTA, Colombia – They are calling it the “crossed legs” strike.

Fretting over crime and violence, girlfriends and wives of gang members in the Colombian city of Pereira have called a ban on sex to persuade their menfolk to give up the gun.

Ok folks, these crazy bitches are getting it done. and if I may say so I called for this strategy years ago. My plan was to get chicks to stop fucking tuff guys and rap stars, because I hate both.

And lets face it. Everything we do as men, is to get laid. We don’t care about anything else. If you want people to vote, you should get a free blowjob in the booth. I’d vote all day.

Women, if you have a man, you should know that he wants to fuck all sorts of shit. We’re crazy with it. Now, some of you assholes who have girlfriends and wives might argue and say, “Well not me honey.” and not only are you a liar, you’re an asshole.

When I was a teenager, I had a really hard time getting women. You want to know what I did? Think I cared?

I was fucking rocks and dirt and shit. I used to come home with dirt all over the front of my pants and tell my parents that I fell down. That is how much we like it. Put a bunch of sticks together and fuck it.

and you women who could run the world, with the control you have over men. Spend your time getting angry at what another women looks like, or how could he be with her? You throw it all away because you’re as stupid as men.

makes me angry.

love you people

your pal Randy

The World Today

Friday, August 4th, 2006

I love what is going on in the world today.

I love it.

I was watching the news this morning, and I was thinking about the people who are fighting, and this goes for Americans as well, and I got this great feeling that we are really killing the shit out of each other. And do you know who is killing the shit out of each other? Assholes and dummy’s. God bless them.

Now me and my friends, we don’t get into that shit. we get wasted and try to get laid, and when we can’t do that, we go home and “pull it” and then get a sandwich, maybe. That is an awesome way to live.

Anyone who thinks that their religion is worth getting shot over, please stand in this line, as a matter of fact, anyone who wants to pull a gun on someone, please sign up over here, and get your hiney into some battle.

The great part about all of it, is that I don’t have to be involved at all, I can just go home and pull it. I wish that the innocent people, who like me, just want to pull it, didn’t get killed by those asshole who want to fight, but I say get the hell out of there!

I’ve got no religion, I think people should be able to have sex with whatever they want, except maybe kids, that’s a little much, but if you want to fuck a donkey, And the Donkey is ok with it. I say go to it. I think people should get wasted all the time, and be able to say to their boss, “I’m sorry but I’m too high right now.” and I think that we should have masturbation stations all over the place.

Lets face it, if you are going to have billboards everywhere with seventeen year old girls on their hands and knees and you aren’t going to let a guy like me bang that, I think you should allow a fucking masturbation booth. Be fair.

And I think that all of these people who are volunteering to make more room on the planet by dying for their beliefs are awesome. And I support it.

Your pal Randy