Your Pal Randy

When I found out that Republicans were hosting “Tea Bag parties” I was really excited, and I wanted to host my own, and really express how I feel. Then I figured out that these were different “tea bag parties” and I have to say I’ve been a little down ever since.

It does bring up something quite interesting. And that is how far out of touch Republicans really are. I mean I know that they are afraid of gay people, and non white people and poor people young people and sex and freedom of expression, and I thought that these tea bag parties were a step in the right direction. There is nothing more expressive then dunking your balls onto somebody’s face, and if you’ve done it, you know what I’m talking about, and I think you do.

But as it turns out. It’s a party where a bunch of idiots talk about buying more guns and how we are all communist now.

The truth is, that I love how upset a lot of Republicans are. As soon as Obama won the election, I turned right to the talk radio shows, and even though there was a time where I couldn’t stand to listen to Shawn Hannity or Bill O Reilley. Now I can’t stop.
I can listen to them blather on about how upset they are for years on end. Eight years to be exact.

The only thing that could be better, would be to go on their show and dunk my ball on their faces but I don’t think that they are ready for that.

Your pal Randy

When I opened up my hotmail. I felt a sadness. I asked, I said, “hotmail. why are you so sad?, what’s wrong?” Then I saw my inbox. And I held my inbox close, and cried with it. I told my inbox that I was sorry and that it was my fault. Then I began the arduous task of deleting. All of the emails that were titled RE: [jerky] Re: FW: STOP THIS BILL: S.1959.

Hurtful. I’m glad that I am stoned right now, because by the time one of you posted the picture of the law book, I thought I was going kill my dogs. And if it wasn’t for the mellow, great feeling of some good weed, I’d feel like my inbox….. sad.

Could you people do me a favor and spice it up a little bit? Here is my suggestion, every time you write in, and excpecially if you are going to add a picture, and your statement with the last time that you had an orgasm, so I could put it in context and not be so bored. I’ll give you an example.

“Oh, yeah?, well I think thing that, this bill if enacted into law, it could easily be used by whichever party is in power to scare, punish and silence dissent – anything that does not support the party in power and enlists others though education/information could be considered “homegrown terrorism”

and I just just jerked off to hot ebony ass, and while I write this, my cap is sticking to my underwear”

Randy.

See? wouldn’t that make it a little more fun?

Think about it, that’s all I’m saying.

Your pal Randy

God, do I love republicans.

Now, those of you who know me know, that I don’t really affiliate with any Political party. The only party’s I like, are fuck parties. But I want to give a special shout out to my homie Senator Craig for trying to get some gay sex while he was on the potty.

I’ve been watching the news in hopes that they would show at least a dramatic reproduction of him getting banged while on the toilet, but nothing so far. And Fox news is only covering fires and dogs lost in drains for some reason.

Anyway, the thing that I noticed is, that nobody hits the real point when they talk about Ultra Conservatives who fall off the band wagon.

The fact is that they never really believed any of that shit from the start. They are just bullshitting to get votes and get in power. Just the same way that most of the times that I fooled a women into giving me a blowjob, I was lying about something.

It’s like when I watch the religious channel, there isn’t a moment when I think that these people believe in all of the bullshit that they say, they don’t. But Lying to millions of troubled people and stealing their money right out from under them, tax free might I add. Is a hell of a lot better then working at the deli.

Now I know that Senator Craig may have said some bad things about people who are gay. And maybe he even went out of his way to make life more difficult for people who don’t have traditional Family values, but did you people get a look at his wife next to him with the sunglasses on?

She looks like ET with the wig on. Of course he needs some dirty sex on the toilet with a man. That doesn’t mean he is gay. It just means he didn’t have time to get a hooker.

The Republicans are the best, I thank them, and I wish them luck.

your pal Randy

One thing that has always bothered me about the tactics of the tv news opinion anchors, Like Bill O Reilly and that turd Shawn Hannity, is how they paint the Liberal Left as crazy and bad for the country. I have to give it to them, because they are really smart, at least smart enough to cause the Left a lot of damage.

For instance. When one of those pieces of shit, talk about the Left, they talk about how it hates America because it won’t completely support George Bush or something like that, then when they want to execute a candidate, Like lets say Barrack, they say stuff like.” Barrack has been seen at a convention where the Looney far Left is, you know the people who hate our country. Why is he hanging out with these people.”

But they never really have a good explanation as to why the far left is really bad for the country. Except for the fact that we hate America or some shit.

Now I’m Liberal, as a matter of fact, I’m more liberal then most people. Politically, I don’t know shit. I’m pretty dumb to politics and world events, any asshole can write a email with a whole bunch of facts, and I’ve got nothing to say. I don’t care about facts.

But I’m really, really liberal.

Now here is the fucked up thing, and proof that all if it is bullshit..

Shawn Hannity and Bill O’reilley are a lot more Liberal then me. Tons more as a matter of fact.

For instance. I am really conservative when it comes to gun control. Those guys are about as looney left as you can get when it comes to people owning guns. I think that right should get fucking torn off the constitution, and every one who has a gun should get rounded up and slapped in the face, and then peed on in public. Fuck you, we’ve taken your rights away.

Those guys are pretty Liberal when it comes to people having guns.

Also, I think it should be illegal to practice religion. I think all religions and all religion people should get chased down the street by people with Science books and we should be allowed to stone them to death by throwing science books at them.

Every sigh everywhere since the beginning of time, has pointed to the fact that religion is not just bad for us, but really bad. Every War, ever kid fucked in his little hiney, every idiot who kills their fucking family and last but not least every dummy who even tries to talk about God and not sound like an asshole. Which, by the way is impossible. ( I know you’re afraid to die, Me too! get over it. Nobody needs your bullshit about a better place.) I’d believe you more if you told me that ET was going to come and eat my Recess Pieces.

Shawn Hannity is Extremely Liberal when it comes to God and talking about all of that stupid shit. So is papa Bill and the rest of them.

They are also very, very very Liberal about the USA invading a country that didn’t attack us and the people responsible getting away with Murder.

I could keep going but you see my point. Don’t let them fool you. Everyone is Liberal about something. There really is no such thing.

I love you people. Remember try and go out tonight and score some ass. And if you don’t mind me saying so, try and mix it up, maybe a flavor that you haven’t had yet. The world needs us to get together and fuck like animals.

Your pal Randy

I’m glad that Rupert Murdoch is taking over the wall street journal. As a mater of fact, I hope he takes over all of the news. You want to know why?

Because all of the news fucking sucks already. It’s all just a pile of bullshit. First off, like I said before. It’s all bad news. People just love bad news. It’s crazy to talk about masturbating, which I do anyway, It’s crazy to talk about pleasure, but it’s ok to talk about the people getting their heads cut off by the terrorist that we created.

And for those of you who are worried that having Murdock owning all the news might destroy our country, I want to point out that our country sucks the big cock now anyway, So who fucking cares about that.

USA has become fat and bloated and tired. We suck as a nation. We might be better then a bunch of other places, but we suck compared to what we were and what we could be. We are a toilet that needs to get flushed.

So I say, fuck the news, those assholes can have it. I couldn’t care less. As for me, I spend my life and my time the way that everyone should.

Trying to get laid. I smoke more weed then Bob Marley, and I only pay taxes because they take it from me. I do what I want every day of my life, and I’m not afraid of Black people or gay people, as a matter of fact I love the ones who want to fuck me. Those are my kind of people.

Your pal Randy

I was caught bragging the other day. I was talking to this guy I work with, and I was, uhh…bragging, and he called me out on it. I was talking about some stuff that happened to me, and it was awesome stuff. I hate to brag, but so far, in my life, I’ve had a lot of stuff happen, and lets just say that most of it is kicks ass. I’m sorry I know I’m bragging, but I’ll get to my point in a minute.

Anyway. He said. ” I don’t talk about stuff like that because people would think I was bragging” and the way he said it, I could tell that he was annoyed, because he sounded like he just sucked on a lemon. And I was like, “That’s because I am bragging” and then we talked about some other stuff and that was that.

Now, later on when I was thinking about it, it really started to bother me. At first I felt bad, because I guess I’m an asshole because I brag about myself a lot. But then something hit me.

What the fuck is wrong with bragging?

think about it. Has our culture gotten so fucked up that the only thing that we are allowed to talk about is depressing shit.

Yes.

I could walk up to anyone, even people I don’t know, and say ” How about the Virginia Teck thing, so sad. the way all of those people died? Horrible, and the would say. Yes it’s so horrible?

Or Aids is so sad, and horrible, isn’t it. and anyone would agree yes, it’s so horrible and so sad. and then you can talk about that all day long.

but mention some good shit that happened to you, and people get upset.

“I don’t talk about good stuff” is what I think he should have said.

Almost everything we watch on tv is fucking beat, and the only reason we watch that shit, is because someone gets dicked.

American Idol. Who watches that because they want to see the upcoming new superstar? Or is it because you have weeks of people getting elimintaed. The real World, Survivor, Trump, the evening news? all fucking bummers. We watch it because we are interested in watching people fail.

We all love Michael jackson now because he looks like he is dead and he fucks little kids and runs from the law.

So fuck that shit, I am going to brag. And I am not interested in who doesn’t like you or what went wrong. Or how sad it is.

This life is awesome. Turn your fucking tv sets off. Quit being such an asshole and go out there and enjoy yourself.

your pal randy