Archive for the ‘Politics & Commentary’ Category

Arnold the Weiner

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

I never really liked Arnold as a governor, until I found out he was banging the maid, and I’ve always like Wiener who is in the shithouse now for sending pictures of himself to the ladies on line.

here’s my question. Is anybody surprised? Even a little?

First off. Why is this such a crime? We’ve got millions of years of evolution of men trying to fuck everything that moves. And now it’s nothing but shame. Why did men let this happen? The list goes on. Tiger Woods, blah blah blah.

The only time I have an issue with it, is when they are super right wing assholes trying to take away gay peoples right or something and then they get caught sucking somebody dick in the bathroom. But I still don’t get why we have this charade.
Men need to stick up for themselves or we are doomed. We are all going to be forced to have Justin Beiber hair.

I was tipped off to this when that stupid queer eye for the straight guy show was popular. A whole bunch of gay dudes got together with a wife and they conspired to take the man out of their husbands, made him tuck his shirt in and everything and then the wife cried at the end of the show because her husband turned gay for her.

is this what women really want?

The answer is no it’s not. Woman want to have their man slap the guy trying to make him wear a purple silk shirt and dive through a window with both middle fingers extended and get the fuck out of there.

early man used to get together and go hunting, not because the family was hungry but to get the fuck away from the women who won’t stop nagging. This is never going to change. never, and it shouldn’t.

Men are men, take it or leave it.

You can be the prettiest women on earth and the coolest. We still want to fuck your friend, the ugly one. You don’t believe me? I have two words for you

Elisabeth Hurley

UI rest my case.

Stand up for yourselves guys It’s time.

Bill Clinton did a pretty good job even though he fucks fat chicks, It doesn’t matter. It never did

your pal randy

Tea

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

When I found out that Republicans were hosting “Tea Bag parties” I was really excited, and I wanted to host my own, and really express how I feel. Then I figured out that these were different “tea bag parties” and I have to say I’ve been a little down ever since.

It does bring up something quite interesting. And that is how far out of touch Republicans really are. I mean I know that they are afraid of gay people, and non white people and poor people young people and sex and freedom of expression, and I thought that these tea bag parties were a step in the right direction. There is nothing more expressive then dunking your balls onto somebody’s face, and if you’ve done it, you know what I’m talking about, and I think you do.

But as it turns out. It’s a party where a bunch of idiots talk about buying more guns and how we are all communist now.

The truth is, that I love how upset a lot of Republicans are. As soon as Obama won the election, I turned right to the talk radio shows, and even though there was a time where I couldn’t stand to listen to Shawn Hannity or Bill O Reilley. Now I can’t stop.
I can listen to them blather on about how upset they are for years on end. Eight years to be exact.

The only thing that could be better, would be to go on their show and dunk my ball on their faces but I don’t think that they are ready for that.

Your pal Randy

my night with Bush

Friday, May 16th, 2008

I don’t really like to talk about this, because I’m shy. But one night last year, Bush tried to fuck me.

Well, here is how it happened. I got invited to this party, it was a Hollywood fancy shmancy party. I get invited to those every now and again, because of my animation celebrity status. George Clooney was there and so was my girl Angelina and Brad. They are nice really. Well I was at the dip and I was trying to console my girl Jen, she was pissed that Brad brought you know who, and I was trying to talk her down. Jen was going to dump a whole dish of avocado on her lap and tell Brad to call her when he gets a life.

I was telling her that it’s ok, and there are new horizons, and that I’d bang Vince over Brad any day. Well in walks you know who. Carl Rove. He was all sweaty, and he had a whinny the pooh shirt on and his pants were like two sizes two tight. Well Carl was hand in hand with my boy Senator Craig and Senator Craig had on his “I fuck for Lobsters” shirt on, and I knew right away, they were looking for trouble.

I paid no attention to then, turned my back, and just kept talking to my girl Jen. Well all of a sudden, I feel this hand go right between my legs and I heard someone whisper in my ear. ” Let’s get you to the toilet.”

The next thing I knew, Carl ,Craig ,and you know who,had me in the bathroom. My head was all jammed up in a toilet, I was terrified! Now lets get something straight. I’ll fuck just about anybody, but you’ve got to get me romantic first. Throwing me down in a toilet is not it. Bushy, as he likes to be called has his thing out, and even with his erection, the cap was just barely sticking out of the pubes! It was gross.

Lucky for me, I had a diner plate stuck down the back of my pants(just in case this sort of thing happens) and his little penis hit that china plate, and oh my god you should of heard him scream!

Well as it turns out My galboy team Branjolina was in the toilet next door making those twins, and Brad, came in there and fucked shit up.

He punched Carl Rove in his tits, and he screamed and fell on his belly. Craig tried to make a run for it, and he got the plunger in the ass. He did coo like a dove for some reason. Well just then Angelina jumped in and pulled Bushes pig mask off and he ran for the hills.

it was very close. I’ve never spoken of it to anyone until now.

I love you people

your pal Randy

America the Busted

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

here we are again.

America is busted. America is so busted that they are coming up with zany schemes to get people to buy shit, it’s awesome. I’m glad. Now, I’m not glad because I like to see people suffer. That is not true. I’m glad because we fucking deserve it.

here is the rub. If you let a president steal an election, then watch your country go to war, against the rest of the worlds pleading, to watch a few people in power get even richer, and then go out and have the balls to drive a Toyota Tundra, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, and put a sticker on your huge gas guzzling truck that says “support the troops”. If you have those kinds of balls.

you should eat a little shit.

And I feel like the shit should be a little gooey. That’s all I’m saying.

If you live in a country that has a war on drugs, and sends people to jail for years and years, and you also have television commercials where they sell you drugs that can make you bleed out of your ass, and die, and they tested them, and some people in fact, bled out of their asses and died.

I think maybe, you should eat a little shit.

If any, and I mean any asshole, talks about the sanctity of life, then puts a bill “back” saying it’s ok to sell machine guns again, we were just kidding about banning them. If anyone flip iggitty ops on that one.

I think maybe it’s time to gag a little on that “cock sandwich” that you made for yourself.

Maybe I’m glad that the fucking goes the other way sometimes. I don’t know. And to watch the news and hear the debates these people have, It feels like flying back in time, and I’m watching cavemen argue about sticks. You feel like screaming at them.”YES IT’S STICKS ALREADY, MOVE ON! ARE YOU THAT FUCKING STUPID?”

Maybe if we all eat a little more shit then we already are, just a little, we won’t celebrate dumb America so hard.

your pal Randy

Re: STOP THIS BILL: S.1959

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

When I opened up my hotmail. I felt a sadness. I asked, I said, “hotmail. why are you so sad?, what’s wrong?” Then I saw my inbox. And I held my inbox close, and cried with it. I told my inbox that I was sorry and that it was my fault. Then I began the arduous task of deleting. All of the emails that were titled RE: [jerky] Re: FW: STOP THIS BILL: S.1959.

Hurtful. I’m glad that I am stoned right now, because by the time one of you posted the picture of the law book, I thought I was going kill my dogs. And if it wasn’t for the mellow, great feeling of some good weed, I’d feel like my inbox….. sad.

Could you people do me a favor and spice it up a little bit? Here is my suggestion, every time you write in, and excpecially if you are going to add a picture, and your statement with the last time that you had an orgasm, so I could put it in context and not be so bored. I’ll give you an example.

“Oh, yeah?, well I think thing that, this bill if enacted into law, it could easily be used by whichever party is in power to scare, punish and silence dissent – anything that does not support the party in power and enlists others though education/information could be considered “homegrown terrorism”

and I just just jerked off to hot ebony ass, and while I write this, my cap is sticking to my underwear”

Randy.

See? wouldn’t that make it a little more fun?

Think about it, that’s all I’m saying.

Your pal Randy

Re: another way to argue the point

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Global warming, The environment, Racism.

whenever I read these emails, I get one image stuck in my mind. I see a little boy, with a kenner Darth Vader and an Obie Wan that you can’t bend at the elbows, locked away in their room, while other kids outside are playing football and actually having fun. And when I read a letter from Joseph, I see a little pre cum dripping from the head of a very small red penis.

This, is about as important as any of our conversations are. I can’t stress enough that we as a group don’t do shit about anything, except maybe work on movies that nobody wants to watch. We don’t even make them, we work on them. This means if it wasn’t for somebody to tell us we’ll get fired if we don’t get to work, we wouldn’t even do that.

The only thing that I like, scratch that, love about Joseph, is his willingness to be hated. And I love more then anything to reach in here and slap the many stupid things he comes up with. I wish he would show up to my house in the morning so I could slap him in the face while I have a cup of coffee, and I’m almost sure that he would like it. But it is illegal, I’m sad to say.

If there was any Justice, Joseph would be the only person in America that would get drafted. And I know that there isn’t a god, because no matter how much I pray, he isn’t answering that one.

I really think that it would merit any argument that we are having, if you also talked about what it is that you are doing to help anybody. At least Jason goes on a fucking Aids walk, and does something about it. Or Katie runs a marathon, which I would of loved to see her all sweaty in some tight pants and stuff. But anyway, this verbal masturbation is getting pretty beat.

It’s a cock fight with soft a soft penis

Personally, I don’t give a shit what happens. I’m too lazy. You can pave the entire planet for all I care, Bush could be president for the next fifty years, and every different race in America can go fuck themselves. I haven’t met a person that I have liked in about twenty years, so why the fuck should I care what happens to people. If Global Warming is real, that means that a whole bunch of assholes will die. Probably me too.

but one thing is for sure

I’ll be jerking off when it happens

Your pal Randy

Senator Craig is my homeboy

Thursday, August 30th, 2007

God, do I love republicans.

Now, those of you who know me know, that I don’t really affiliate with any Political party. The only party’s I like, are fuck parties. But I want to give a special shout out to my homie Senator Craig for trying to get some gay sex while he was on the potty.

I’ve been watching the news in hopes that they would show at least a dramatic reproduction of him getting banged while on the toilet, but nothing so far. And Fox news is only covering fires and dogs lost in drains for some reason.

Anyway, the thing that I noticed is, that nobody hits the real point when they talk about Ultra Conservatives who fall off the band wagon.

The fact is that they never really believed any of that shit from the start. They are just bullshitting to get votes and get in power. Just the same way that most of the times that I fooled a women into giving me a blowjob, I was lying about something.

It’s like when I watch the religious channel, there isn’t a moment when I think that these people believe in all of the bullshit that they say, they don’t. But Lying to millions of troubled people and stealing their money right out from under them, tax free might I add. Is a hell of a lot better then working at the deli.

Now I know that Senator Craig may have said some bad things about people who are gay. And maybe he even went out of his way to make life more difficult for people who don’t have traditional Family values, but did you people get a look at his wife next to him with the sunglasses on?

She looks like ET with the wig on. Of course he needs some dirty sex on the toilet with a man. That doesn’t mean he is gay. It just means he didn’t have time to get a hooker.

The Republicans are the best, I thank them, and I wish them luck.

your pal Randy

The looney Liberal Left

Friday, August 10th, 2007

One thing that has always bothered me about the tactics of the tv news opinion anchors, Like Bill O Reilly and that turd Shawn Hannity, is how they paint the Liberal Left as crazy and bad for the country. I have to give it to them, because they are really smart, at least smart enough to cause the Left a lot of damage.

For instance. When one of those pieces of shit, talk about the Left, they talk about how it hates America because it won’t completely support George Bush or something like that, then when they want to execute a candidate, Like lets say Barrack, they say stuff like.” Barrack has been seen at a convention where the Looney far Left is, you know the people who hate our country. Why is he hanging out with these people.”

But they never really have a good explanation as to why the far left is really bad for the country. Except for the fact that we hate America or some shit.

Now I’m Liberal, as a matter of fact, I’m more liberal then most people. Politically, I don’t know shit. I’m pretty dumb to politics and world events, any asshole can write a email with a whole bunch of facts, and I’ve got nothing to say. I don’t care about facts.

But I’m really, really liberal.

Now here is the fucked up thing, and proof that all if it is bullshit..

Shawn Hannity and Bill O’reilley are a lot more Liberal then me. Tons more as a matter of fact.

For instance. I am really conservative when it comes to gun control. Those guys are about as looney left as you can get when it comes to people owning guns. I think that right should get fucking torn off the constitution, and every one who has a gun should get rounded up and slapped in the face, and then peed on in public. Fuck you, we’ve taken your rights away.

Those guys are pretty Liberal when it comes to people having guns.

Also, I think it should be illegal to practice religion. I think all religions and all religion people should get chased down the street by people with Science books and we should be allowed to stone them to death by throwing science books at them.

Every sigh everywhere since the beginning of time, has pointed to the fact that religion is not just bad for us, but really bad. Every War, ever kid fucked in his little hiney, every idiot who kills their fucking family and last but not least every dummy who even tries to talk about God and not sound like an asshole. Which, by the way is impossible. ( I know you’re afraid to die, Me too! get over it. Nobody needs your bullshit about a better place.) I’d believe you more if you told me that ET was going to come and eat my Recess Pieces.

Shawn Hannity is Extremely Liberal when it comes to God and talking about all of that stupid shit. So is papa Bill and the rest of them.

They are also very, very very Liberal about the USA invading a country that didn’t attack us and the people responsible getting away with Murder.

I could keep going but you see my point. Don’t let them fool you. Everyone is Liberal about something. There really is no such thing.

I love you people. Remember try and go out tonight and score some ass. And if you don’t mind me saying so, try and mix it up, maybe a flavor that you haven’t had yet. The world needs us to get together and fuck like animals.

Your pal Randy

Murdock owns everything

Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

I’m glad that Rupert Murdoch is taking over the wall street journal. As a mater of fact, I hope he takes over all of the news. You want to know why?

Because all of the news fucking sucks already. It’s all just a pile of bullshit. First off, like I said before. It’s all bad news. People just love bad news. It’s crazy to talk about masturbating, which I do anyway, It’s crazy to talk about pleasure, but it’s ok to talk about the people getting their heads cut off by the terrorist that we created.

And for those of you who are worried that having Murdock owning all the news might destroy our country, I want to point out that our country sucks the big cock now anyway, So who fucking cares about that.

USA has become fat and bloated and tired. We suck as a nation. We might be better then a bunch of other places, but we suck compared to what we were and what we could be. We are a toilet that needs to get flushed.

So I say, fuck the news, those assholes can have it. I couldn’t care less. As for me, I spend my life and my time the way that everyone should.

Trying to get laid. I smoke more weed then Bob Marley, and I only pay taxes because they take it from me. I do what I want every day of my life, and I’m not afraid of Black people or gay people, as a matter of fact I love the ones who want to fuck me. Those are my kind of people.

Your pal Randy

Bragging

Friday, April 27th, 2007

I was caught bragging the other day. I was talking to this guy I work with, and I was, uhh…bragging, and he called me out on it. I was talking about some stuff that happened to me, and it was awesome stuff. I hate to brag, but so far, in my life, I’ve had a lot of stuff happen, and lets just say that most of it is kicks ass. I’m sorry I know I’m bragging, but I’ll get to my point in a minute.

Anyway. He said. ” I don’t talk about stuff like that because people would think I was bragging” and the way he said it, I could tell that he was annoyed, because he sounded like he just sucked on a lemon. And I was like, “That’s because I am bragging” and then we talked about some other stuff and that was that.

Now, later on when I was thinking about it, it really started to bother me. At first I felt bad, because I guess I’m an asshole because I brag about myself a lot. But then something hit me.

What the fuck is wrong with bragging?

think about it. Has our culture gotten so fucked up that the only thing that we are allowed to talk about is depressing shit.

Yes.

I could walk up to anyone, even people I don’t know, and say ” How about the Virginia Teck thing, so sad. the way all of those people died? Horrible, and the would say. Yes it’s so horrible?

Or Aids is so sad, and horrible, isn’t it. and anyone would agree yes, it’s so horrible and so sad. and then you can talk about that all day long.

but mention some good shit that happened to you, and people get upset.

“I don’t talk about good stuff” is what I think he should have said.

Almost everything we watch on tv is fucking beat, and the only reason we watch that shit, is because someone gets dicked.

American Idol. Who watches that because they want to see the upcoming new superstar? Or is it because you have weeks of people getting elimintaed. The real World, Survivor, Trump, the evening news? all fucking bummers. We watch it because we are interested in watching people fail.

We all love Michael jackson now because he looks like he is dead and he fucks little kids and runs from the law.

So fuck that shit, I am going to brag. And I am not interested in who doesn’t like you or what went wrong. Or how sad it is.

This life is awesome. Turn your fucking tv sets off. Quit being such an asshole and go out there and enjoy yourself.

your pal randy