Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

Men, Porn,Hanson,and Sexuality

Friday, July 8th, 2011
I just read an article called Porn desensitisation a growing issue in a hardcore world By Naomi Wolf

In the article Naomi talks about the new surge in powerful men getting caught sexting or with mistresses and the male brain and what damage porn has on boys and men. Naomi points out our choice, and our addiction. Naomi talks about how porn lets out dopamine in the brain and that makes us feel good. But she does bring up the subject of us being responsible for our choices. And by this I mean, men being responsible for our choices.

OK, first off. A women writing an article about men’s sexuality is as valid as me writing an article about why women act the way they do during menopause. I could write an article describing why women get emotional when they are pre menstruating, but everyone, and I mean everyone would agree that I was off my rocker and I could never understand how women feel. And they would be right.

What would be even more insulting would be if I suggested that women be responsible for their actions while they were pre menstruating.

We live in a world where we are held up to a spiritual higher power. We are not looked at as people from the natural world, this is why for the most part, things don’t make any sense. I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say two men fight over a property line. The fight gets out of hand and somebody gets hurt. By Gods standard these two men are Evil, and something must have taken control of their spirits to make them behave so badly. You will never be able to understand what got into their heads. Why they would act like that.

If you look at it that we are in fact apes, the whole situation makes perfect sense. Because that is what apes do.

Two men, one hot chick, a bar, and some drinks. We can all conclude there will most likely be a fight.

What Naomi is trying to do is to explain why Rams butt horns. Dopamine means nothing to the Rams I promise you.

I suspect that this whole thing is in fact much deeper. I suspect that like all women in all relationships she knows the truth. and is trying her hardest to change the populations ideas on the way we see women. For one thing, never, and I mean never, ever in all of the articles about porn do women talk about the other women in porn who are getting paid a lot of money to turn men on, all over the world. What about those women choices? They can choose to not be photographed nude or filmed sucking three dicks at one?

I’m glad they do I would never want them to change.

I think women know that they are always holding on to a thin thread when it comes to their husbands and boyfriends. they are afraid because It is a sexually unequal relationship. I’ve said it before Gay men are equal, the rest of us suffer.

Men need to stand up. Anthony Weiner and Tiger Woods and Arnold, should have walked up to the microphone and said.. Which one of you ladies want to fuck me? The line would be out the door. Instead they slobber and cry and go into some fake ass therapy. while their wives get half.

The day I get the money and power I’m going Hue Hefner like a mother fucker. Shit, I do it now, when I go to massage parlors I always take two chicks. Why get just one when you can get two?

It is the reason I’m so excited that Chris Hanson got busted. it’s not that it validates child fucking, it”s that that judgmental asshole who made a career about busting men and asking “What went through your mind?” couldn’t help himself. Sweet young ass got the better of him. So much so that he took a picture of his penis and texted it to a women. Not his wife by the way.

Why are we made to feel bad about our sexuality? Why? because it’s not like theirs? Fuck that.

Women I have something to say to you and I want you to really really think about it. Look outside, go for a drive, whatever you want. take it in. Then think about this.
Every single thing you see. Every building every truck every road everything…men did that shit. That toilet you used, we invented that. This doesn’t mean that we are better then you by any stretch, I’m trying to make a point so calm down and listen….

We made all that shit, every boat, the pyramids, cars trucks toys fireplaces bricks nails tacks yarn electricity shoes phones TVs news slacks underwear combs brushes you name it. we did that shit. And we did it on our own. We thought it up and we made it. You know why?

To get fucking laid.

if you’ve got have a brain you’ll invite your girlfriend over tonight and make her blow your fella, He deserves it. Your relationship deserves it. And he will love you more then you’ve ever been loved in your entire life.

and that’s nothing to be afraid of

Your pal Randy

Arnold the Weiner

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

I never really liked Arnold as a governor, until I found out he was banging the maid, and I’ve always like Wiener who is in the shithouse now for sending pictures of himself to the ladies on line.

here’s my question. Is anybody surprised? Even a little?

First off. Why is this such a crime? We’ve got millions of years of evolution of men trying to fuck everything that moves. And now it’s nothing but shame. Why did men let this happen? The list goes on. Tiger Woods, blah blah blah.

The only time I have an issue with it, is when they are super right wing assholes trying to take away gay peoples right or something and then they get caught sucking somebody dick in the bathroom. But I still don’t get why we have this charade.
Men need to stick up for themselves or we are doomed. We are all going to be forced to have Justin Beiber hair.

I was tipped off to this when that stupid queer eye for the straight guy show was popular. A whole bunch of gay dudes got together with a wife and they conspired to take the man out of their husbands, made him tuck his shirt in and everything and then the wife cried at the end of the show because her husband turned gay for her.

is this what women really want?

The answer is no it’s not. Woman want to have their man slap the guy trying to make him wear a purple silk shirt and dive through a window with both middle fingers extended and get the fuck out of there.

early man used to get together and go hunting, not because the family was hungry but to get the fuck away from the women who won’t stop nagging. This is never going to change. never, and it shouldn’t.

Men are men, take it or leave it.

You can be the prettiest women on earth and the coolest. We still want to fuck your friend, the ugly one. You don’t believe me? I have two words for you

Elisabeth Hurley

UI rest my case.

Stand up for yourselves guys It’s time.

Bill Clinton did a pretty good job even though he fucks fat chicks, It doesn’t matter. It never did

your pal randy

David Carradine

Friday, June 5th, 2009

When I heard about his death I have to admit I was a little bit sad. Although I was never a real big fan of the kung fu show. I loved him in Kill Bill and a shitty horror film called Q. But then this morning I heard that he didn’t commit suicide, but rather died masturbating. And for this I love him. Now, lets be clear, nobody knows if in fact he was masturbating or had some Thai prostitute tie him up and work is elderly sack, but I don’t think that matters.

Here is what is really important. At seventy two years old you can still play “slap the helmet off the pink retard.”

I would rather be know for eternity as a guy who died jerking off over a guy who committed suicide. And that’s a fucking fact.

I also want to take a minute out and praise men for our sexual longevity. I’ve always been a little upset that women who have the ability to fuck multiple people every night of their lives, don’t really want to. And as a guy with a healthy sexual appetite I’ve spent years fucking logs and stuffed animals and anything that would let me. I always felt like it was unfair.
Until I realized that although women have all of the options in the world, those options dry up quite quickly at thirty five, then your just a talking ape at that point. with a whole bunch of “Blah blah blah” and “you know what I think?? and a whole lot of who the fuck cares, because you look like yoda now.

we get to fuck twenty year olds until we’re eighty( even if we have to pay for it) and maybe even die cuming on somebody tits.

It is in fact a beautiful world

Your pal Randy

my night with Bush

Friday, May 16th, 2008

I don’t really like to talk about this, because I’m shy. But one night last year, Bush tried to fuck me.

Well, here is how it happened. I got invited to this party, it was a Hollywood fancy shmancy party. I get invited to those every now and again, because of my animation celebrity status. George Clooney was there and so was my girl Angelina and Brad. They are nice really. Well I was at the dip and I was trying to console my girl Jen, she was pissed that Brad brought you know who, and I was trying to talk her down. Jen was going to dump a whole dish of avocado on her lap and tell Brad to call her when he gets a life.

I was telling her that it’s ok, and there are new horizons, and that I’d bang Vince over Brad any day. Well in walks you know who. Carl Rove. He was all sweaty, and he had a whinny the pooh shirt on and his pants were like two sizes two tight. Well Carl was hand in hand with my boy Senator Craig and Senator Craig had on his “I fuck for Lobsters” shirt on, and I knew right away, they were looking for trouble.

I paid no attention to then, turned my back, and just kept talking to my girl Jen. Well all of a sudden, I feel this hand go right between my legs and I heard someone whisper in my ear. ” Let’s get you to the toilet.”

The next thing I knew, Carl ,Craig ,and you know who,had me in the bathroom. My head was all jammed up in a toilet, I was terrified! Now lets get something straight. I’ll fuck just about anybody, but you’ve got to get me romantic first. Throwing me down in a toilet is not it. Bushy, as he likes to be called has his thing out, and even with his erection, the cap was just barely sticking out of the pubes! It was gross.

Lucky for me, I had a diner plate stuck down the back of my pants(just in case this sort of thing happens) and his little penis hit that china plate, and oh my god you should of heard him scream!

Well as it turns out My galboy team Branjolina was in the toilet next door making those twins, and Brad, came in there and fucked shit up.

He punched Carl Rove in his tits, and he screamed and fell on his belly. Craig tried to make a run for it, and he got the plunger in the ass. He did coo like a dove for some reason. Well just then Angelina jumped in and pulled Bushes pig mask off and he ran for the hills.

it was very close. I’ve never spoken of it to anyone until now.

I love you people

your pal Randy

Re: What are you doing here?

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

I know, I love it. I love the fantasy world we live. On both sides of that coin. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and this chick is gorgeous. really, a knockout. She started dating, this dude who seems really cool, I’m happy for her. We of coarse got on the subject of sex, and in that conversation, I found out that she didn’t like porn, as a matter of fact, thought it was a little gross. “The first thought that came to my mind was. “That poor basterd.”

I mean she’s hot, so good for him, I’m sure that he is high fiving the fucking mirror, when she gets down to her underwear, I’m sure of it.

But a brother needs some porn. And he can’t share that with her. And that fucking sucks for him.

Women that I talk to about this, always shrug it off, and say that men are gross, and that their dude isn’t like that. But That’s a lie, and they know it. For one reason, How did they get that guy into a relationship?

If you don’t work in the FX industry and Darth Vader hasn’t been number one in your life from the age of twelve, If you’re an average guy, who can talk to people, you get into a relationship because the women you are with, outfucked the rest of them. I know, a little scary, but true. She may be great, she may be smart, she may like the same movies you do, but she caught you with her sex net. And what a great net that is.

Women, who act like they don’t know this, aren’t dumb, they are lying, because if you broke up with them, they would maybe take some time to get over you, and then they would bring that sex net back out in public.( These are the women that I like the most, by the way.)

Anyway, back to porn, what we men have lost, in the last fifty years is the right to be men. Men like porn, because back when we had even more hair, we were fucking everything we could. And that shit wasn’t immoral, or illegal. If you don’t believe me, go to a zoo and look at a gorilla, who has up to seven women at a time, he will look at you, and his eyes will say, “That’s right bitch!”. If you watch the news, it’s obvious that the monkeyman hasn’t dropped the rest of our “link” to the wild kingdom, so why would we have dropped that one.

So respectful, or lonely guys, do the next best thing . We look at images of women and pretend they want to blow us. It’s a fucking lie, but it works.

I mean even those uptight conservative guys are getting caught in public bathrooms for christ sake, I mean EVERYONE is lying about it.

I’ve said this before, and really, I hope this helps. If you are in a relationship, and you love her. The next time she is too tired for some action. Don’t go downstairs to the Batman console. Just start getting yourself off, right next to her, Maybe even ask if you can grab a tittie when you are ready to pop.

Ten buck says she wakes up, and you get your action, but even if she doesn’t, starting the next morning, it’s a whole new game.

What I think most women are a little cruel about, is the fact that they can go out every night ( If they wanted to) and bring home two, maybe three people. I know that they Don’t want to, but they can. We want to, and we can’t. To rub that shit in a mans face, I think is a little cruel, and what’s more, to say something like, “I don’t even want you to look at pictures of people who you aren’t fucking”, is like eating a steak in front of starving kids, you can do it, but it’s not cool.

Ugly woman are different. I just wish they weren’t ugly.

I love you people

Your pal Randy

Man Jailed For Putting Family’s Faces On Porn Pics

Friday, July 27th, 2007

A Utah County man will spend six weeks in jail for editing sexually explicit photographs — to include faces of family and LDS community members. Lance Rushton, 37, was sentenced to spend 45 days in jail for creating the bogus photos, which he even uploaded to the Internet — where they remained for approximately a year. After serving the sentence, Rushton then must wear a GPS tracking bracelet for an additional 45 days.

I guess it’s wrong what he did. But I think it’s great. I’m so sick of the USA’s stance on sexuality. I mean to catch a predator on NBC, with all of those assholes getting caught trying to fuck a thirteen year old, just busting these poor slobs, over and over again.

Now I’m not saying that it’s ok to fuck a thirteen year old, but I feel like those people on Nightline are just giving us half the story. First off, let me just say that I’m glad that out of all of the fetishes that I have, kids aren’t one of them. For the reason alone, that even when I talk to a twenty year old I want to fucking kill them. With those stupid pencil rap shit and the “You know what I’m saying?” shit every three seconds, I’m sorry, but I can’t relate. I couldn’t imagine trying to have a conversation with them just to get to some teen ass.

But, nobody can deny that men like ass, and a lot of it. It fucking wasn’t wrong back in Rome to score some teen ass, was it? It wasn’t wrong back in Egypt, to score some teen ass, and those muthers built the Pyramids. It’s only the last four hundred years, that we have these rules, and, if I might say so. it seems as though they aren’t working. I thinks it’s wrong to portray these people as being sick.

It’s not sick to have a teen on a fucking billboard with tight jeans on looking at you like she wants to fuck. That’s ok.

Also, and I know this makes people upset, but in america, nowadays, most of the people who have nice bodies, are teenagers, and by the time we hit twenty, we’re fucking disgusting. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying, think about it.

Personally, If you want to know what I really think, I think that people need to be more intimate. Sexuality brings people together. I’f you are a racist white asshole and you hate black people, the minute that a couple of sisters work your penis like crazy, is the minute that you will start thinking clearly. Whenever I tell this theory to women they get all bitchy and act like their vaginas are sacred. I tell them to go home and watch Oprah.

Men have ben giving up arms and legs and dying and being burnt to death and all sorts of tragic shit for your false sense of freedom. All I’m asking is that you fuck someone who your not attracted to. Big deal, I try and do that every weekend.

get it on people

Your pal Randy

Road Rage

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

I was in a bit of road rage this morning. It was me and this dude in a van. I wasn’t so angry but the guy in the van was pissed off! Holy shit. And the truth is, that it was awesome.

I love the meltdown of it all. I love the fact that as people we’ve become totally detached from each other and the world is getting even crazier and more violent by the day. I mean compared to Sparta, we are fucking cowards, but we’re getting there.

We base our religions and our governments all on the idea of helping people, but the truth is, that nobody really gives a shit. And the few who do care, well, they are a bit outnumbered.

Men have a real problem. We have this blue vein dick thing, that really causes some trouble out there. We feel the need to drive big trucks and convince everyone that we are tuff. What’s the difference between Gansta rap and Red Necks?

Nothing. They both suck. And when I say suck, I mean it. Everywhere I go, there is some asshole, who is acting tuff. White, Hispanic and Asian men acting Gansta.

I say acting, because they are acting. Sometime at puberty they were dumb enough to think that kind of thing would get them laid, so they started acting like what they see…other assholes. And unfortunately, there are a lot of women dumb enough to fuck these guys, reaffirming their very, very stupid lives.

People always say, Why do you blame women so much? It’s always about sex?

I do, and it is.

I blame women, because they have made it very difficult to score with, unless you are famous or tall. The rest of us, we are shit out of luck. Think about it. We have a society with lots of men who can’t get laid, and allowed to carry guns.

Sounds dangerous to me.

If I was in charge of things I would take all of the women who would want to make money off of their bodies and have a training camp. A training camp of hot bitches. These women would get paid millions. Everything they could want they could have. But, their job is to walk the streets, and fuck guys who need it, on the spot.

Two guys are angry in their commute, two hot bitches run in and give them a back seat party. End of conflict.

Now Im not saying that all women should have to do this. Just the hot ones. The ugly ones can work and suck an egg like the rest of us. And I know that there are a lot of old white men making the rules, and they are afraid of their penises and women so they condemn it. but these guys need to get laid. Lets face it.

Also, to be clear. I really don’t think that all of our troubles are women’s fault, I know that men suck. But I also know that men only want one thing.

And it rhymes with Orgasm.

I was smart enough a long time a go to just pay for it. All of that bullshit that is causing guys to walk into schools and start shooting, comes from getting turned down all the time and standing in front of a mirror with your penis in your hands. Fuck that.

Prostitutes never turn you down, and they will even act like they like it. Why even talk to a girl in a bar when there are prostitutes? can someone even explain it to me? and please don’t say anything about hearing what they have to say. I’ve talked to women in bars. It’s fucking dreadful. It’s like having a duh party.

More sex, less violence is all I’m saying. And support your local prostitute for christ sake.

Your pal Randy

randy needs lube

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

It’s always been true. Once when I was in high school, I couldn’t get
any, and I fucked a bunch of sticks.

I really could of used some lube back then.

That reminds me. I’ve been thinking of ways to help prevent some of the gun
violence in the USA, and I think I’ve got it.

What if all guns were legal, fucking automatic shit, you named it. But what
if they were shaped like  a penis? And were flesh color.

I think a lot of men would turn to stabbing.

Think about that

Your pal randy

Heffner

Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

I was watching that E entertainment show the other day, about the three playboy bunny’s, and Hue Heffner. and I have to say, I had more respect for Hue, before I saw that show.

If I was that rich, I would pay those women to shut the fuck up, when I walked into a room.

If there is a god, I want to know why he (or she) would make something as beautiful as Tyra Banks, and then let her be so stupid and annoying, that she can make a penis soft.

Can you imagine, Tyra talking to you? Sitting around in your house and talking to you? I’d fucking kill her.

I mean, I’m glad Hef is banging some women, and I think it’s the American dream. But why oh lord do they have to be so stupid.

Does a guy like Hef need to hear about what her dog was wearing? Or how they looked in boots? And is a vagina so great, that anyone can stand that much talking about nothing?

I know men suck, but that’s another email all together.

Women of America

one word

fuck you

Your pal randy

I’m not talking about all of you smart ugly women, you’re different.

Menopause

Friday, February 23rd, 2007

I was talking with some people the other day and the subject of Menopause came up. First off, here is something I noticed. When you talk about Menopause everybody looks down at their feet, and they say stuff like. “Well, that is a very special and beautiful time for a woman, and it’s natural, and can be really hard on a woman.”

And when you mention a man have having a mid life crisis, this is what happens. ” Women scrunch their faces up like they had a hot chili, while men look at the ground and women say stuff like this. “That sick basterd bought a corvette and started fucking a twenty year old! Men!

I think this is unfair, and if I may say so, A little cruel. Here are a couple of points that I think we’re forgetting.

Number one. It is completely natural for a man to want to fuck everything he sees, until he is seventy five. This includes rocks and sticks and shit. If you don’t know this, you should.

If you have a man, and he has been faithful to you, this means that despite his true nature he has resisted fucking tons of women, only for you, and has resorted to masturbating heavily.

Also, he has to hide his masturbating from you because you wouldn’t understand. You would say stuff like this……”Again?”

I think it is a little sick, that the true male, has been neutered, to the point of caring that Anna Nichole Smith had boobs. Considering that when we were Vikings, we would row ashore and fuck up all kinds of stuff. Kill babies and rape everything before we burned it to the ground.

I’m not saying we should act like that, I’m just saying that we’ve come along way baby.

And you’re still not happy.

It makes me sad that women are so judgmental about sexuality, especially because every women reading this could get laid by the time I reached down and touched my penis. Even if you are ugly.

But you want more out of life.

If you want to know how disgusting your man is, here is something you can do.

The next time you’re alone, pop in a porno, and start to get your romance on. Tell him that your best girlfriends and you have been talking and you girls want to have a foursome with him.

then wait for him to say no.

It will never happen.

Women, go get your man laid, and men, stop acting like a bunch of assholes. And be happy for once in your life

I love you people

Your pal Randy

ps do they call it menapause because when it happens you put men on hold? I don’t get it.