Your Pal Randy

speaking of Masturbation

I had a real crazy masturbation weekend. I don’t know if it’s what I ate, ot the fact that I’ve been doing push ups, or the fact that I was higher then Bob Marley, but I really “hit it” this weekend. And by saying “hit it” I mean a lot.

As a guy, and I’m talking a healthy guy on a Saturday, most of the time, I can rock a double banger. Once in the morning and once at night. But I have to say I more then doubled that on Saturday alone.

My helmut hurt

That’s called “hitting it.”

Maybe it’s because I’m getting old, and I’ll only look good masturbating for maybe ten more years, or maybe it’s a mid life thing.

And I got into it. I had my feet in the air, and I said stuff out loud, like ” You like that baby?” I may have even yelled “Suck it! ” at the porno, it was great.

Next weekend I’m going to try and knock one out, on all three’s

Most of my friends tell me, to play with my anus, but to tell you the truth, I’m not into that. I think that’s a little much, but to each his own.

your pal Randy

Also, lets cut the bullshit.

Men and women are not equal. I’ll prove it.

First off, women are as smart as men and as capable as men and can do everything a man can do

Except kill shit. In this category us men rule. Sure women can kill and sometimes they do, but we have them beat ten thousand to one. We will kill shit without even thinking about it and we do it with vigor, and showmanship. Did fucking women come up with the Iron maiden? hell no. How
about the guillotine? men.

Compared to men, women suck at killing. And that goes for that bitch Ann Coulter, sure she says some things that makes my man Soren mad, But my Homeboy Bush, he takes care of business. Ask those assholes in Iraq what they think of Ann Coulter and they wont even know who you are talking about

Ask them about Bush and they know him well. For killing the fuck out of their friends and families, just like my man Sadam did.

Men are as good and willing as women and as capable as any women in the world.

Except for getting laid. Compared to women, we fucking suck at it. Lets face it ninety percent of jerky couldn’t get laid tonight if we had a thousand dollars. Except for Lafferty, but I’m not talking about rock stars, I’m talking about men. Tonight , as we lie back and that little bit of semen is drying on the back of our hands there will be thousands and thousands of women who could have walked into any bar and shouted, “I feel like fucking tonight!” and there would be a line going out the door.

While us men try and figure out what volume to put the porn on, so our girlfriends don’t here.

And if you want to know the extent of it, I’ll give you something to think about.

All your guy friends would fuck your girlfriend right now, in front of you, if you let them, while you flip your little limp penis off to the side trying to get a hard on. And none of her girlfriends want anything to do with you.

except for Lafferty, but like I said he don’t count.

So please don’t talk about men and women being equal, it makes me sick.

Your pal Randy

That is the most awesome thing I have ever seen. That’s better then the movie E.T. The extraterrestrial.

As a guy, and by this I mean a guy who looks like me. You get a lot of judgment when you are out and about trying to talk to women. And especially in LA some women act like they can’t believe you would even waste their time, by talking to them. It’s like you have about five or six seconds to put on enough of a show to entertain them. I sing and dance, but it never works.

I know that they are usually either crazier then a shithouse rat, or they are so boring , that you need to take a pillow with you, so your head wont hurt after it smashes into your dinner plate at the restaurant. I know that. But fuckit, I can dream.

In my dream all those women on that site aren’t crazy. And they don’t care that I forgot to mention their mother. And they don’t need to look into my eyes and feel a connection. The only thing that they want to talk about is when they can perform oral sex on me, because they Need it so bad. And if I have met their friend Helga who has been naughty.

I know . I know. I know what your saying.

Your saying, Go ahead and dream Randy, because women aren’t like that. And I”m sure that you feel that way, but you’re not masturbating right now, like I am.

Oh

oop

erp!

Wow. Anyway, you guys are ok.

Your pal randy

I know that in our field it is mighty tough to score a date with women today. I’ve had many lonely years myself. But last year I took a coarse called “How to score BIG with women” and it has changed my life. Shit some days I have twelve or fifteen girls wanting to kiss me, and it’s really simple. And since it’s Christmas, I’m going to give away secrets to you guys for free. You will thank me later.

#1. When you pee pee on the toilet seat, clean it off.

I don’t know why, but this one really works well with the lady’s. They just love it.

#2. Replace the toilet paper all by yourself.

Again, those rascally women really go bananas about bathroom stuff. When I try this one at home my girl just goes mad, the passion starts flying.

#3. Flush the funny Poo Poo stuff.

Some days me and my brothers call each other in and look at how funny it is, and we laugh for hours, sometimes days. But Girls I guess have no sense of humor, or something. So making it go by by, is a safe bet. Again, I don’t understand, but it works.

next week I’ll tell how a clean kitchen counter equals “Make out city”

good luck guys”

— your pal randy

Brad Sturtevant wrote:

some jerk is sending all kinds of porno accoss my netscape screen. Please cut this crap out.

Brad

Now now kids, This is not the way to get along. If you keep this up, we won’t have any netscape soon. Don’t joke around with programmers or Porn they are both serious subjects.

ps if they take away netscape and I can’t get to my special sites, I’ll hunt the bastard down and kill him.