Archive for the ‘VFX’ Category

10,000 b.c review!

Monday, September 17th, 2007

http://www.aintitcool.com/node/34066

Wasn’t Roland the tool who made Japan hate Godzilla?

We definitely work in a field where you get rewarded if you can get it done. I guess because it is so hard to just get it done. That goes from lackey’s like me to supervisors to directors. I’ve worked on many a film where the supervisor has about as much talent as my dog, yet they were in the right place at the right time and got the name. God bless em! And even though they
make life hard on everyone and fuck shit up all the way to the final cut, They get re hired because they’ve been through it before.

When a guy like Roland Emerich or however you spell his name makes a movie like Godzilla, the first thing I think is, thank god, he’s fucking done with, but the truth is that he got it done. And that is what the money people are the most concerned with, god bless their little wallets.

When we started working on Starship Troopers Phil Tippett got everyone together and told us to enjoy it, because a good movie comes around once every seven movies. I think he was wrong, it’s more like fifteen.

But even with that. I think we work in the best field, besides porn I mean, and if you cut my shots out of the dozen shitty movies I’ve worked on, you get about three minutes of good stuff to watch before people get bored. And it’s great hooker money.

And that aint all that bad.

I love you people

Your Pal Randy

Ruled

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007

Jim Henson. The thing about that guy, that I find most amazing, over all of the other things that are said about him. Is the fact that nobody I know, or have ever talked to, dislikes the fucking Muppets. I mean, Mickey Mouse, the icon, is hated by some people, I’m not saying that they are right or wrong, I’m just saying that Mickey Mouse bothers some people.

But not fucking Kermit.

Nobody.

Now I know that anyone could write back and say that you don’t like the Muppets, or that you in fact hate Kermit, but I don’t fucking believe you. Forget it.

That’s because the Muppets ruled. Ernie and Burt, unbelievable

Also, most of us who are reading this work in a field where you have three to five people commenting about your stuff, and you are spending Months making the shit look right.

and Ernie had mouth open and mouth closed. Ran the entire emotional range, happy to sad, to anything. Open and closed. Genius.

Our shit looks good people, don’t get me wrong. The stuff that has been coming out is awesome.

But you can’t beat some arms hot glued to sticks.

Your pal randy

Who wants to animate a car?

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

I got a call from these assholes that made the Matrix are in need of another previs person to go to Berlin and help out on Speed Racer. Any animators who are interested write me bitches!

I’m not on this project, I’m just trying to hook up a friend.

Your pal Randy

Eye patch

Wednesday, February 28th, 2007

These pictures remind me, that as a group of people, we are fucking ugly. Not just that group, in the pictures, but all of us. The special effects crowd. Chubby dudes in horrible shirts with goatees. Sure we’re beautiful inside, but who the fuck cares about that. I’ll tell you.

Nobody

wait that’s wrong. your momma cares.

If where I worked, they suggested that I wear an eye patch so that I could take a picture by an Oscar, I think I would burn the place down, or kill myself. I’d shoot myself through the eye patch.

Now let me say right here and now, that the work in Pirates was awesome. I don’t doubt that these people really kicked ass on it,

I’m just commenting on how ugly we all are.

ESC had some hot people working there, but most of them got fired. I got “quit fired.” It depends on who you ask I guess. Also I’m not saying I was one of the hot ones. I’m quite ugly. I only get laid because I pay for it.

Your pal randy

the sharing of knowledge

Tuesday, October 17th, 2006

Q: how willing should one be to share production/pipeline knowledge with one’s current employer that came from time spent at another?

I wouldn’t tell them shit.

For two reasons. Number one, by the scientific graph of humans, it has been calculated that nine out of ten people are assholes and five out of ten, deserve to die. Now, this isn’t my personal opinion. I like people. It’s science. And math.

Also, how much do you make? Do you make enough money that you feel like just sharing some secrets so these assholes can make some more money and then tell you that you are doing a good job? I say make em pay for it. At the very least with hookers or something.

I used to give out advice to computer guys about women all the time. Simple stuff, like if you don’t pee on the toilet seat, women respect that. And if you take down the action figures from your desk, she might just go to lunch with you. Stuff like that. And do you think anybody sent me any kickback? like, “Randy that was good information, and my new girlfriend is going to blow you under your desk while you surf porn.”

Nothing.

I say make them pay for it.

Your pal Randy

Weta Commercial

Wednesday, September 27th, 2006

In response to the really cool Katamari-esque commercial by WETA:

Do you people realize that most everyone else on the planet think that we are disgusting? If you don’t believe me, go out tonight and find someone who is even just a little attractive and tell them what you do for a living, and then count how many seconds it takes for them to change the subject. “Hi honey, My name is randy, and I worked on the Matrix Th…..”

“wait, where are you going?”

your pal Randy

Sad but true.

Snakes on a Plane

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006

I’m sorry to say, that it comes down to this.

Nobody fucking cares. And why should they? I’m surprised it made eight dollars. Snakes are cool, planes are cool, that kids, is about that. Sorry.

Now I’m sure the effects are great and there are some snake animation that is all slithery and wow. But, really, who fucking cares. And the answer is…Nobody.

Many of us worked on Matrix 3, and during the production I kept hearing. “But Randy, you don’t understand, It’s the Matrix 3” . or “It’s the Matrix!” And when it came out, the world just about broke it’s jaw yawning.

Here is the facts. ninety percent of Science fiction and horror movies suck. That means that nine out of ten movies that we work on are going to suck ass. Here is my list.

Starship Troopers
Komodo
My favorite Martian
the haunting
cats and dogs
Blade 2
Virus
Evolution
cursed
Matrix 3
King Kong

Now the cock suckery in that list is biblical. Starship Troopers and King Kong I am proud of. And Starship Troopers, is questionable as far as being a good movie.

I’ve got a shot in Peter Pan and Monster House and I couldn’t masturbate for a month after working on Peter pan, so I’ll keep those off of my list.

It’s getting to the point that if you want to see a good movie you have to rent a porn film, because those movies won’t let you down. I’m sorry to say that Cursed isn’t worth the time, even if you masturbate through the whole film, believe me, I’ve tried.

So don’t be so down about it. Working in CG means that from now until you get old, you will most likely work on shitty film after shitty film. And I will be right there next to you. jerking off I mean.

I love you people

your pal Randy

Re: the PA phonebooks

Tuesday, April 24th, 2001

Jordan Torrey wrote:

whoever has borrowed the SF and OAKLAND yellow pages from the front desk at 914 Grayson, please return them! being PA sucks bad enough WITH them. thanks.

jordan

I remember once I was a PA at a local film Studio and I loved it! I had such a good time. I got to drive all over the place and park my rig right in front like BJ and the Bear. One time this nice fellow borrowed the yellow pages, and I was really mad, but then I found them and it was ok. One day while I was out about doing my pa duties, I ran into Phil Tippet. He is the man who animated the Ewoks for ” The Dark Crystal”. And I remember I asked him if I could work for him, I pleaded with him. I have always loved Ewoks. He looked straight into my loving young eyes and said ” Go fuck yourself asshole” Then he pushed me in the dirt. But I got the job anyway, and I don’t think he remembers me. Anyway, being a PA doesn’t always suck. Just most of the time.

love always randy

James Citron Please welcome him back to the TD Dept!

Monday, August 28th, 2000

I don’t know who this James Citron guy is, but he can’t be good. We used to have this guy working here as a td and his name Was James Citan, or Citrog, I don’t know how you spelled his god damn name, but he was really mean. One time right after daily’s he threw a coke bottle at Phil, and I had to jump through the air and deflect the hunk of glass with my face. Phil just laughed at my wounded eyes, and this James Guy Stabbed Frank “the German” Petsles in the stomach with his pen. And if I remember correctly he couldn’t render a blank sheet of paper. I’m telling you he stunk. Whatever you do don’t hire him

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You’re only as good as your last Frank Pestille

hollowguy

Wednesday, May 10th, 2000

You know, you guys are ok. Pretty fine people in general if I may say so, and so I’ll tell you a little story. It’s about work, fun, commitment, and my grandmother Lena Link. I’m the first to admit that part of my family has had a checkered past. My grandfather on the German side would often have intercourse with pencils and my father was born without an anus. But we love each other regardless. My grandmother Lena was a huge brute of a woman. In her day she could take down a bull with her teeth and she was reported to give birth to bricks, I’m telling you people she was tuff. One time when I was at the tender age of twenty two and still had trouble tying my shoes, she beat me with my own brother. I mean it, she was tuff. Well, needless to say we were all very scared around Lena. If you said that you didn’t like supper she would climb onto the kitchen table and fart into your face until you finished every last bit. Tuff. One day I asked Lena “what was the most important thing in life.” And she made me lick her armpits. And I learned something that day. I learned something very important. My family is a bunch of assholes. But I learned something else. I learned about longevity. There is only one way to make it to the end of dinner while a large bottom blows awful air in your face. You need to focus. Which brings me to work. Today I had an extra special bad daily. It looked like Kevin Bacon was a little retarded boy, who slipped in cow flop. And if you ever read the quote I put at the bottom of my e-mail. ” Your only as good as your last daily” That makes me a hunk of shit today. It’s ok, today is my day for it. I guess what I’m trying to get at, is these darn things are going to happen. Boy do they suck, but there going to happen whether you like it or not. You cant help it. One thing I’ve noticed is that when the heat gets turned up, people get bunchy. I was pretty pissed at myself after daily’s, but I got over it. Sometimes I read an email or hear someone say something and it’s kind of bunchy. So here are some good rule to live by.

BR> It’s always your own damn fault.

Take it easy, enjoy work ( longevity people )

It’s not the computer. ( Craig is way to smart for that one, I know, I’ve tried!)

Quit complaining, sound like a bunch of sissy’s.

Take the heat when it is your turn.

And last but not least….

You’re only as good as your last daily.

Remember, we are not close because we like each other, we are close
because we are all a bunch of geeks who liked Sinbad.

Take it easy out there.

R.J.Krandell