Archive for December, 1997

The Mob

Monday, December 22nd, 1997

In my home town there are a lot of Italian people. And I have come to really, really like their food along with some of their funny antics. But one thing I know is that when you recieve a severed head with a note on it’s forehead it usually means your shit out of luck. My poor great grandmother had a little run in with a man named Vinny. I guess she said some things that wasn’t the sweetest, and a couple of days later she bit down into a meatball and blew into a couple of million pieces of dear old great grandma.

Needless to say I’m a little shakey today.

Don’t read this if you are important

Tuesday, December 16th, 1997

Now I normally dont like to talk much about politics. But I’m gonna. So if your the kind of person who gets all hot under the collar when you talk about politics you may want to pass this one by. First I will tell you why I dont like to talk about politics. It’s because I am a really really lazy guy who never ever cared one bit about having the right to vote. I know what your gonna say, your gonna say ” But in China nobody can vote and they cut off your head if you steal a piece of bread, and you live in a country where they never cut off your head and so you should take responsibility and….blah,blah,blah. Your right. I do live in a place where i can do almost anything I want. So I choose LAZY. Now I have a bunch of friends who I always end up in a talk hold about this kinda stuff and the one thing I always bring up is..” Yes I know you are mad at that bad thing that happened to those poor people in the trailer park and you have been talking about this for an hour but what are you going to do about it….And then they say..” What?” And then I say..” Yes how are you going to help those people?” and then they say “what?”

You see, Nobody that I know ever does anything about all these things that are so darn wrong but complain about them. Nobody I know has ever written the White House except in fourth grade and that doesn’t count cause your teacher made you. So infact all my friends go home and watch the NEWS and get all mad and then complain about stuff then say things like ” Well your not informed!” Then I say Informed on what? and then they say, the NEWS! and then I say Oh, The NEWS. You see I can give you a run down on the NEWS tonight so you dont have to make yourself sick right after you eat. Here goes.

  1. Lots of people died today.
  2. Lots of people where arrested for being bad.
  3. Somewhere there was a really unimportant court case about someone who should be punished.
  4. The Mets lost
  5. Its going to rain soon.
  6. A baby Gorrilla was born in a zoo today so you see life aint all that bad.

And thats it.Thats the NEWS. and boy oh boy are you informed now.Now we can all get together and complain about stuff that we aren’t going to do anything about. Which brings me to Politics. I made the mistake of watching tv the other night and whats worse is I tuned in on some Senate thing with the Atterney General and by god they were going to solve some problems. And this is how it went.

Um mrs Janete Reno about that huge Oil spill that has killed over ten million birds fish and sea mammals we…

” I know i feel terrible and I am going to do everything in my power to help.”

UHmm miss Reno about the homeless situation we..uh..

” I know its awful but I am going to do everything in my power to help that..

Yes about that rock group that made those poor helpless kids kill everyone in their town…we..oh…

” Yes these groups must be punished and I will say that I am going to do everything in my power to stop this horrible….




How can you take this even a little seriously? It was like she was handing out IOU cards to a bunch of thick dudes jammed up in ugly suits trying to read their speaches without fumbling on the big words. And right then and there I figured it out. They are playing CLUBHOUSE. thats all that they are doing. Noone is going to fix these problems. They are going to complain about it so we can watch it and then we can complain about it.

I think it would be more productive and cost much less if we all went home and just watched Scarface every night.