My little brother David got a flu shot once. The nurse stabbed around in his arm again and again but couldn’t find a vein. The needle chiped away at the bone in his arm until his face turned blue and he began to vomit a green bile mixed with blood and little square carrot cubes. The needle finally broke off under the skin and until this day he thinks he is a 1947 Buick and he farts bubbles. But hey man its only five bucks.
Archive for October, 1998
flu
Thursday, October 29th, 1998Beef Bologna
Tuesday, October 27th, 1998Now listen up. I’m gonna give out a little rah, rah Tippett thing here and I hope you all are paying a little attention. I’m a man who has worked shitty jobs. We are talking ticket boy at the UA theaters. I’m talking meat boy at the deli. ( talk about a not getting any chicks job) I’m talking all of the bottom drawer lack luster shit bummery jobs a human can do. Now we all know me and Phil don’t see eye to eye on things. Like I think I’m a much better artist than Gibbi, but the big boy, well lets just say he don’t see just how much Gibbi really sucks. But anyhow,…..well come to think of it I think Craig and me don’t see eye to eye either. but anyway , even though I’m much better than Gibbi at almost everything, and Phil wont give me the time of day. Once he tried to spit on me from his big office but hey, whatever. I still thank my lucky stars I got this job. ( One reason is that no one else would ever hire me.) But I wake up. grab a cup of coffee, take a little beating in dailies, work as hard as I can. AS FAST AS I CAN. Do a really fucking great job everyday. And let Gibbons take all the credit. and ….well…. my point is that ….well I don’t know what my point is…BUT it beats the shit out of slicing bologna for little old ladys…….OK well maybe not there is something really exciting about slicing bologna for little old lady’s but that’s another e-mail all together. But Its a close second.
Think of it this way. Sometimes when I’m in a bar, and I see a beautiful girl I’ll walk right up to her and say Hi I worked on Starship Troopers and she will say I’ve never heard of that, what is it? and that make me feel great!
Marin county kill em all
Friday, October 16th, 1998Now that October is in full bloom, and the air is cool and crisp. And the season if cheer is almost here. I want to talk about killing every goddamn driver in Marin. What the hell is going on over there ? Here is the way I see it. There is three types of drivers. You have the ” It’s my road and I don’t have to use my blinkers ” group. Let me tell you something. The blinker is the easiest thing in a car to use. You don’t even have to look for it. Just drop your hand down or lift your hand up, and you will hit it. Sometimes I do it by mistake, it is that simple. And it saves lives. Boom. People who turn their blinkers on during mid turn suck. It doesn’t count, I have already slowed down and cursed out the back of your head. Then we have the ” I’m lost in the parking lot group.” This is mostly old people, but they suck too even if they are old and we should feel sorry for them. They just wander around looking up for some reason. No blinkers, no nothing. Just lost in the old parking lot of life. Then you have the most dreaded group in the world. The regulators. These people think they were born to make sure you drive at their speed. You are driving along, making good time. When somebody speeds out into your lane, in a real rush to get ahead of you, then slow…sloww…..slowwwwwdowwwwn…. WHY? why not wait for you to go first. Why cant they see how much they suck? anyway, I say bravo for road rage. Not enough people are afraid of getting shot in the head for not using the blinker.
love and kisses Randell.J.Krandell
me and you
Tuesday, October 13th, 1998Now some of you may already know this but my father was really strict. I’m talking three and a half acres with a push mower. No saturday morning cartoons, just me and the weeds. Pulling out poison ivy with no gloves. My mom was a push over so I always went to her with the old report card. Then it was off to my room to wait for the horrible sound of my dads truck comming up the driveway. And I got the belt. Dont kid yourself. I got the belt a couple of times. My goddamm hiney would get so red, my own father couldn’t believe it. One time this girl… Jennnine Travia told me that since she was a girl, I couldn’t hit her. Even after she smacked me. So I punched her in the stomach. It was a bad idea, because her parents were friends with my parents. And Oh did I get the belt that night. But anyway, my dad is German, and I dont want to make anyone mad….Frank…but Germans are nuts. So I was beaten constantly by a crazy German and forced to spend endless saturdays eating poison ivy cause of bad grades and girls like Jennine Travia.
Now the only reason I bring this up is because of Christmas. I got shit canned this summer so I missed racking in the goods on my Birthday. And I figure you could all use a couple of months to ponder some gifts for me. I think maybe a little childhood guilt might open up those pockets a little.
