Archive for December, 1998

Secret Santa

Tuesday, December 15th, 1998

I just wanted to say that I’m going to kill the bastard who is responsible for my secret santa. What kind of mean spirited maniac would give a likeness of someone as a present. I called my mom this morning to tell her about it and she broke down crying. She tried to say, “no your not fat your big boned” but she couldn’t get it out. God forbid if I told her about the cross. When I find you Heaven help us all.

New People

Thursday, December 3rd, 1998

Now I noticed during a tenth street lap, that all these new faces were looking up at me over their little partitions. So I ran my little hiney into into the kitchen and I was swarmed with some new people drinking all the coffee up and eating Dougs grandpas apples like there wasn’t gonna be any more apples on earth for the next hundred years. And let me tell you, the sight of all these people chewing on apple cores scared the almighty out of me, so I ran as fast as I could into film IO. And I hate going into Film IO cause I’m scared of that funny fly paper they put all over in there and more importantly I’m scared of David Rosenthal, cause he looks like one of those Conan types who will cut you up with an axe just to see you bleed. And he is grumpy all the time and he likes to go fishing. Now I don’t know if you guys know about men who like to go fishing, but let me just say stay away. You get me. I’m not kidding here, keep your distance he is a little nuts. So anyway there I am stuck in Film Io with Conan and his side kick Vicki, who likes peanut butter and bacon sandwiches on toast so you know she is crazy. And I’m thinking how the hell I’m gonna get out of this building and back to safe old Grayson. So I make a run for it. both my shoes and socks get stuck on that disgusting fly paper stuff but I didn’t care I kept running bare foot and the Conan says something like “I’ll kill you.” and now I’m so scared I ran right into the glass door like a bug. BAM! So now I’m all dizzy, and I run out and this dam bird starts squawking at me and I think that guy Roger was yelling some wise ass remark, cause I had feathers all over me and peck marks. Have you noticed that guy Roger is always making some wise ass remarks. I never know what the hell he’s talking about. But so here I am bare foot tarred and feathered, with Roger the wise ass talking shit running so fast that I don’t even stop for candy at the front desk. So I’m gonna ask you new people to slow down a little. Have a little heart, try to crack a little smile every now and then. And welcome aboard.

your pal Randell.J.Krandell