Archive for January, 1999


Friday, January 22nd, 1999


Now I usually know a hunk of crap when I see one. But Virus took at least ten minutes before I knew I was looking at dog patch. But lets go deeper, lets look way in. Lets open the door and shine our little flashlights in on millions of dollars getting extruded into the toilet that we call Cinema. Virus suffers the fate of all special effects movies made in the last ten years ( except Starship Troopers.) Uhh how do I put this….They suck. The story sucks, the Actors suck, the whole idea sucks. The last ten minutes of Virus were great. The monster robot actually moved and may I say, MY shots were pretty fucking good. Tom Gibbons shots were ok. The CG Model was so damn good I choked on my popcorn. But lets get back to the real meat and potatoes, the actual movie. For those who don’t know here goes. A bunch of blue lightning comes out of space and gets beamed down through a communist space station satellite onto a communist big boat with a bunch of junk on it. And then the funny blue lightning stuff makes the junk into little spider like robots that move like broken wind up toys and for some reason none of the russians can out run the little broken toys and they get killed. But if that aint bad enough, a bunch of handsome freedom fighting americans find the ship and think they are gonna make a bundle of money off the dumb rusky’s. But you guessed it. the robot stuff is now much bigger and it still walks like its on a track, but the God fearing Americans can’t out run the robot on a track so then they get killed too. Then here comes the good part, At the end, a Big animated robot who can get up off the track comes and starts kicking ass. He throws a bunch of stuff around, then just as he is about to kill the good guys Jamie Lee and the handsome Baldwin fella blow him up and save themselves at the same time. I know. your saying wow, that sounds like a good movie to me, was there any nudity? NO. But what’s even worse is that not at any time did you ever care about anyone. You just sat there end said kill em, please god kill them cause I can’t stand another one line tuff guy movie character.


God Damn was that a great movie.


stay tuned next week we will review Mighty joe Young

Chopping wood

Friday, January 15th, 1999

Well even though it was so cold back in New York that the snot in my nose froze and my ears turned red and hard with little cracks all over so if you touched them they would blow apart like the windows in the Haunting, I had a pretty good christmas. Oh I got the canary yellow shirt from mom that I will never wear. It’s funny, but every year my mom gets me somthing to wear that I would never wear in a million years. Every year. And every year I say somthing like Oh wow a canary yellow shirt this is great mom thanks. And then thats that. I mean….and I’m a going out on a limb hear folks, but I’m not that hard to shop for. A book, thats a good one. I like those…. I don’t read them but they really give those shelves a purpose. Uhhhh…..Knives I like Knives……How come nobody ever gets me a sword or a shot gun, or a chainsaw… Now I could use a chainsaw. Lots to cut. Lots to chop.. anyway I hope everybody got a least one or two things that were good, or that It wasn’t too awful to see family. I hope the New Year reselution bullshit you made on yourselves wasn’t to hard to keep. I swore off cookies, that lasted until I woke up the next morning. And I wanted to say that You dont have to wait until Christmas to buy a present for someone. I think that we should try to give presents to people, or me, all year long.

Ps While I’m on this phony christmas plug I’ll say that Gibby is having a hard time on his blocking, Bad plates and all that so be kind to him. And Blair seems to have mistplaced his Gandalf the White action figure and I think he is real bent about it so keep a lookout. Thanks
your pal