Your Pal Randy

It all started when that German guy Frank showed up. We ate some meats for a while and started in on a beer, when that Christian fellow and this Todd guy came along. Needles to say we ahd a couple if Ciggies, I think from Amsterdam, and ate more meats. At about one thirty we decided to take a cab to the theater, and you had best believe that I wore my sun glasses for fear of a talk hold from somebody important. “No need to see those little red slits for eyes I said to myself.” Well we got to the show and wouldn’t you know it, crazy. People walking all over talking about what now or what next. I looked over at Christian and he seemed unfazed by the worried crowd, so I started the talking and the Phil scope, you know, little talk show with the big guy. Anyway, before I could get to him, the crowd was dwindling fast, so I followed some people. The next thing I know, I’m trying to shoot a quarter in a glass, and failing. Now I don’t know how much many of you know about lots of early booze consumption, but it aint good. Well, that lasted until about four and then we went to some Carribian place, and let me tell you. THINGS GOT NUTS! The quarters game came back in a horrible way, Eric was playing with children, People who should just not be allowed to dance were dancing. I mean who lets this sort of stuff happen? It’s not right! There were these weird spicy fish sticks in a pan, with some crazy chicken bits. All I heard was….clink, dink…..ploop, ” YOU DRINK FUCKER” SISSY BOY! ” I mean I’m staring into my rum thinking who are these animals. And what am I doing with rum god damn it. Paula was making people consume left and right, Marty was feeling bad, and drinking drinks for people. I’m telling you it was a mad house. I think I went to the bathroom fifteen times, and I never took down my pants, I’m telling you…it was a mess. Neal was doing lap dances for people, for free. People just don’t party like this. Anyway, right then I had this brilliant idea, It came to me crystal, and sharp. I was the little Gelfling and I was on the Dark Crystal. I’ll tell people to come over my house. We will party at my house until the midnight movie.

we all make mistakes. The very notion, of letting these animals in my home was one of my dumber ideas. Garth ate things that weren’t food, Bart started in with my dogs. Neal thought he could play guitar, Robin ran around yelling about blueberries. People who just ate Mexican food were puking. Gurdin was rolling cigars, Ashby peed on somebody. it was crazy. Thank god for ten thirty. Because that’s when we got the hell out of my house and wobbled up to the theater. I remember getting popcorn, though I don’t know why. I remember a Goofy cartoon. I remember thinking I have a chance with that British girl from Austin Powers. And that’s it. My head rolled back, I saw some silver stuff, Couple of white flashes, and the world swam. I think Petey ribbed me a couple of times, and popcorn dribbled out of my mouth like an infant. It was beautiful. By far the best movie experience I’ve ever had.

Ok, so I saw the big Gorilla movie. How can I put this……Uhhh……Ummmmm…….Boring. It’s not just that it sucked, it’s that it sucked and it was boring. Here is the deal. Way back in the 40’s they were milking the whole King Kong thing for one more drop, and so they made Mighty Joe Young, And it was surprisingly good. Not the best story,…no. Not the best acting, but good enough to make you sit through it until the big gorilla came. And lets face it. The stop motion animation was so darn good that it is still worth watching today. That funny old guy who did those Sinbad movies did a lot of the animation and it was pretty darn good stuff. So ok now it’s the 90’s and Disney is gonna do it justice, so they get that funny guy who does all the ape stuff in the movies Rick Backer to make the Monkey suit, and they get some other people to do the cg (that’s computer graphics) stuff because the big gorilla can’t climb up on things. And so the truth is It looked great. I enjoyed all of the big gorilla stuff. Didn’t look like cg (computer graphics) and I will buy it when it comes out on Video and fast forward to the monkey stuff. Here is the problem. If I could just take a baseball bat and beat the actors to death every time they talk It would be a much better movie experience. Blah, blah, blah. Talk talk talk. duh duh duh. Why didn’t they kill Bill pacston or however you spell his name, in Twister. God he sucks. And the blonde girl who is his human friend, I would love to do that scene in The Untouchables, when Robert Dinero or however you spell his goddamn name does the Regge Jackson on that guy at the glass table. Hollywood sooner or later is gonna figure out that kids aren’t that stupid, and that you can make a movie where you don’t force feed the audience dumb crackers for seven fifty and make them watch a bunch of pathetic acting with some stupid story while they wait for the special effects. And one more thing, The sequel thing is bad enough, I understand that the tv generation has no ideas because they are about as dumb as sticks. But if you are going to redo something that was done fifty years ago, I would suggest watching the original, and at least try to make the new one almost as exciting to watch.

well there you go.

your pal R.J.Krandell