Archive for November, 2000

A Thankgiving story

Wednesday, November 22nd, 2000

This is a story that my grandfather would tell at Thankgiving

The year was 1443 and three ships set sail from England. The Charlston, the Rosenburg and the Santa Rosetta. Their mighty sails flew proudly at sea. After months and months, the entire crew hated their captain Christopher P Columbus. He was a complete ass. Christopher wore real baggy jackets and really tight spandex pants, fitting his bottom snugly. After months of hunger and scurvy, the crew started to beat Christopher Columbus badly. His tights had finally drove the crew mad. Just as they were about to thrash him to the missen mast, they ran ashore in a strange land. Everyone stopped fighting at once. Hunger floated in the air. As they came ashore, strange people appeared out of the wood. Beautiful tan bodies all cut with muscles and sweat, dressed in nothing but scraps of dear skin and feathers. Beautiful women wearing nothing but mud. These people were but a strange folk indeed. Nakkid kids running amuck. They led the hungry pale people from the sand, and showered then with food. They taught them stupid things like bury fish with corn, and to dance for rain. But the pale people were grateful. And we broke bread with the savage, and all was right. After we were good and fed we killed all of those funny nakkid people and taught the turkey to run for it’s god damn life, and then we built some stores and there was much merriment.

lets eat some bird

Re: damn hippie/utensils

Friday, November 10th, 2000

Now you people know that I don’t like to join these endless rants about who stole my cup, or why i can’t find my Echo and the Bunnymen cd. But think about this. Most of the people who work here can’t get the paper cup to the garbage can. Our friends need to tell us that we have half a ham sandwich stuck to our faces. Why you ask? that’s cause we are Geeks. I’m sorry. Geeks. Do you know why we all left home? I do. It’s cause they threw us out, that’s why. Sometimes I go into the bathroom around here and get a case of “the rotten horrors”. I mean, theoretically boys can aim, And lets face it folks…we never do. Ever. Sorry. I’m the first one to save a tree. But I’m also really bad at washing dishes. Maybe we can all drink right out of the faucet? I brought in a set of my moms good china, and Tom Gibbons took it home. Do you see what we are dealing with here? I mean Lon is trying to get people to hug each other. It’s sick. It aint right. My mom used to smash the dirty dishes that we left around over our heads, maybe the PA’s could do something like that. At Grayson, there is a person who fills a paper cup up with just a tiny bit of water, and leaves it on the counter. Everyday. Tiny, water, cup, counter. Everyday. I used to hate it, but now I love it. It’s my friend. My little tiny cup of water friend. I remember one time I was talking to my pal Doug Epps, and he told me to get the hell away from him, but…uh…what? wait…I …uh….

anyway I have near complete set of metal silverware at my desk if any of you slobs need it. And I think I just peed myself.

your pal


Re: That’s THREE Arrests for Bush, and that rules!

Friday, November 3rd, 2000

I’m not claiming that arrest records or drug use makes someone a better politician: only that this shouldn’t distract you when there are far more important issues to consider.

I hate to say it, but you guys are missing the point. They just want your money. One side just takes it, and the other does it, but in a friendly way. And one side will never get elected anyway. One side puts it’s hands on the farmers shoulders and looks dismayed, while the other side pushes the farmer off the tractor. It really depends on whatever way you like better. For those of you who have a lot of money, I’m sure you would prefer the guys who help you keep your money, and to keep those other dirty people off your wallets. For those of you who have very little money, I’m sure you would prefer the guys who are really nice to you as they take your money. As for me I prefer my President to be a drug addicted sex fiend. I feel better knowing that the people that are taking my money, know how to spend it. On Drugs and Sex. Cause that’s what I spend my money on anyway. Why can’t we have a president who gets assassinated by a bad stash? Or too much coke? I have to admit it, since Bill got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, I noticed a change in my love life. Things began to get a little more experimental if you know what I mean, and I think you know what I mean. If the president of the united states can boogie down disco style, than why can’t I? Do you guys see what’s going on here? I mean when Regan was in the white house I couldn’t even get a girl friend. Of coarse I was in high school and I had acne all over my face and I would puke if a girl even talked to me, but you know what I mean. I know that some of you can write back and explain “the two party system against the three party system” and use a lot of big words, but don’t. For one thing I can never understand all those big words, and another thing is that it has nothing to do with monsters or girls. Just do me a favor. When you get your check today, look at how much money you actually made, then look down at how much money you actually got. Then think really, really hard, and ask yourself if you wanted to give that money to any of those retards.

I bet you that if George E Washington was still alive, he would smack us all in the head

I love you guys