Archive for December 15th, 2000

fruit drink

Friday, December 15th, 2000

He didn’t remember how the tussle started, but the old lady wouldn’t let go of the Astronaut Tang drink. She was screaming at him and pulling the bottle of sweet juice from his hands, and he was sure as hell that they could hear her all the way up to the check out counter.”I’m gonna drop her” he thought, then a left hook came up at him from nowhere and sent him spinning. “God, the old bag really packed a punch”, He thought, as he flew against the soup cans spilling them everywhere. And that was the last straw. He got back up on his feet and launched a kick at her mid section, she spun around fast, and he felt his nose crunch under the heel of her shoe, and warm blood run down his face. ” That freaking”…another blow to the face, the world was spinning. He was in the prime of his life, he worked out every day, and played soccer and football. He hoped that his school buddy’s didn’t see this one, the old bird was at least seventy. CRACK! She elbowed him in the eyes. He felt her hands grab his hair and he saw her knee rush up at him.. CRACK! Everything spinning, his bottom lip danced around his chin…”Looks like I’m going to have to take the old hag down” he thought as he rushed her. He felt the BONK! of the Tang bottle against the back of his skull, and he felt his belly slap against the cold floor of the supermarket as pasta boxes broke open and flew everywhere. He was dimly aware that she was banging his head against the tile over and over again. And that a line of police officers were screaming and drawing their weapons. ” That’s funny” he thought as the world spun black..” I like Cool Aid much better”.

How to get Girls

Friday, December 15th, 2000

I know that in our field it is mighty tough to score a date with women today. I’ve had many lonely years myself. But last year I took a coarse called “How to score BIG with women” and it has changed my life. Shit some days I have twelve or fifteen girls wanting to kiss me, and it’s really simple. And since it’s Christmas, I’m going to give away secrets to you guys for free. You will thank me later.

#1. When you pee pee on the toilet seat, clean it off.

I don’t know why, but this one really works well with the lady’s. They just love it.

#2. Replace the toilet paper all by yourself.

Again, those rascally women really go bananas about bathroom stuff. When I try this one at home my girl just goes mad, the passion starts flying.

#3. Flush the funny Poo Poo stuff.

Some days me and my brothers call each other in and look at how funny it is, and we laugh for hours, sometimes days. But Girls I guess have no sense of humor, or something. So making it go by by, is a safe bet. Again, I don’t understand, but it works.

next week I’ll tell how a clean kitchen counter equals “Make out city”

good luck guys”

— your pal randy