Archive for March, 2006

I’m not too handsome

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

If you wanted to know the truth. It’s that my body is quite disgusting. I’m kind of flabby and I have hair on my back and my skin is roughly the color of milk, and when it’s tan, it turns the color of cheese. It’s sick really. Last year I worked out a lot, and I was kind of fit, but I gave
up, because I’m lazy.

And do you want to know why I don’t take my shirt off in public? Self respect. I don’t have a lot of it, not enough to do “sit ups” anyway, but enough to know that nobody want to see my disgusting body by the pool.

This is why I don’t understand why some people will talk on the cell phone in places like books stores and movie theaters and shit like that. Don’t they know that’s disgusting? I was in Barnes and Nobles today, and this guy was talking, slightly less louder then a rock concert, about his car. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to watch him get raped by elephants, and tigers. Has he no idea? Really what is it about cell phones?

There are a lot of things I hate that I can look the other way on, like Rap music, and people who are fashionable, and white kids who act like they are ghetto. and Uh.. actually everyone who acts like they are ghetto. And rap music. But this shit has to stop.

look, I know you’re lonely, and nobody wants to go to lunch with you. But walking around with a phone to your ear, doesn’t make you any less disgusting, or lonely. Do me a favor. If you walked around in public today chatting on the phone, go home, and take a nice hot bath, then kill yourself, because you are an asshole.

or put a shirt on that shit

Your pal Randy

Religion, you and me.

Monday, March 27th, 2006

Now I know that people get all fiery when they either talk about Religion, or this administration. But I think there are some other things that we need to take into consideration here. For instance…. bitches.

It is scientifically proven that we do most everything we do, to get ourselves some bitches. Christ, I’ll even open up a account on myspace. Let’s just think about this. Do any of you think that Saddam would grow that stupid mustache if he didn’t want to score some tail? And The only reason that my main man George W, is at war is not oil, or 911, but it’s the fact that he got himself a dumpy chick. You wanna know who doesn’t fight, or believe in any of that religious nonsense? I’ll tell you who. Hue Heffner. Why? because he goes to bed with six hot bitches every night. You will also never find him on jerky complaining about the government or if there is a god or not. Because he is most likely getting some right now. You wanna know who also doesn’t fight? Ron Jeremy, who is so ugly that they out to name a country after him. But you know what, he gets more bitches then all of us put together. He is a peaceful man. The rest of us are angry. Priests are guys who know they’ll never get laid, so they pull that abstinence bullshit as a cover, or they like little boys, I don’t know.

The real discussion, if you want to have one, is why women all over the world, won’t fuck the shit out of us, so we can have some peace and quiet on this planet. So what, we’re ugly, and Joe cum’s too quick. It’s not his fault. We need teams of hot bitches to land where ever there is some fighting and start fucking the shit out of us.Like Charlies Angeles Those ugly fucks at the white house need team pussy and quick.

Girls, I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking, how dare he rat us out like that. Sorry. but if you girls are going to walk around with such nice hiney’s and stuff, and then only fuck guys who are tall and look like Brad Pitt, then you are going to have a war on your hands, and worse, a bunch of dudes talking about religion.

just think about it,

your pal randy

Re: as if we didn’t know

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

Actually I was at Alfa beta, one time, and I coordinated an extreme attack on a women’s baddonka donk, with a bit of slappidus, but she countered with a no noosky, leaving my penis wanty and hurty with rejection.

I never know what the hell you guys are talking about but i do know this…

Hackers and people who make viruses are a bunch of fags, and I don’t mean people of the same sex who like each other either. It’s not fair that when I want to masturbate, some asshole gets my computer all locked up. If you are going to make a virus and fuck someone up, do it to those asshole who are looking up or the new Curious George movie.

lets look at some facts.

It is most likely that the people creating viruses are men. Why? because I don’t think women give enough of a shit about computers to spend there time creating a virus. And if you are a women spending your time creating viruses, then you should get Beheaded on video.

And if you are a man, and you are interfering with another mans masturbation pleasure, then you are an asshole. That is fucking science, I’m sorry.


I don’t care if it’s a PC or a Mac, I’ll cum on it.

your pal Randy

I’ll tell you

Thursday, March 2nd, 2006

LA rules for a couple of reasons. Warm weather, an amazing city. Beautiful beaches, and tits.

Don’t get me wrong. Because I love beautiful beaches and warm weather. But I really , really love tits. People say, Randy, what kind of tits do you like? Big Ones? Doesn’t matter. I don’t discriminate, and I am no racist. I love them all, even old ones.

What I hate is the people who own the tits. They never let me do anything. I can’t hold em or suckle, and they give me nasty looks when I stare at their beautiful tits. Like that’s a crime. Sometimes I watch the golden sunset, or watch the ocean for hours, but I am a criminal for staring at the ebb and flow of some beautiful breasts.

But I have found a way around that. Hookers.

This is why I am proud to be an American. That and fishsticks.

your pal randy