Your Pal Randy

Ok, am I crazy or did America take a right hand turn, and become a place that sucks so bad I want to move to Mexico city and beg for food? What the fuck is going on around here?

Let’s take a little recap

Number one, We invade Iraq. Cool. Fuck those people we need that oil. Then the Supreme court goes conservative, and basically becomes as questionable as the meat on that taco supreme that you just ate and is making you have to poop. Fixed elections, and nothing but shame for a president who gets a blowjob.

Then we start building a wall to keep out Mexico, but we don’t do it like the Chinese, we do it like good old Americans and make our wall out of some two by fours, and some chicken wire, so it will last about as long as the car you just bought. And I guess it’s ok, for the police to bust in your door if they think you are not up to snuff.

The media have all turned into a toy commercial for everyone who wants to fuck you out of having an opinion. And thinks that maybe you should check with your doctor before buying their drugs. Rap music takes hold and people are now concerned about their Lexus car. Alaska can go fuck it’s self because if we’re not going to drill there, we will most certainly poison all of it’s wildlife with some mercury, but don’t worry because according to comic books, you might get some special powers. Like “dying guy” or whatever.

Florida is about to go underwater, and apparently if you give starving, poor, people credit cards because a hurricane took made it so that grandpa floated down the river, they will just take a vacation.

Bill Orielley is still alive. nobody has killed him, and some asshole named Ann coulter just wrote a book stating that if you are liberal, god is going to fucking kill you.

And now sexy teachers are going to jail, for doing something that I personally masturbated about fifteen million times since high school.

I hope it gets so bad that people loose their rights all together. I hope women have to ask permission to go outside and that they have to wear blankets because we might get turned on by their bodies. I also hope that you have to get permission to have sex.

We fucking deserve it.

ps, another reason I hate the gigantic truck you just bought and are so proud of, is that every time I am at a stoplight and I want to check out a little tail, you drive up next to me and block everything. All I can see is a huge red door that says Tundra on it. You are a fucking asshole, and I hope they get you first.

Your pal Randy

The only thing more discouraging, then Ann coulter and Hillary Clinton, is that you people actually believe in any of that shit. I think you have a better chance of salvation thinking that the guy from the movie cocoon is going to come down to earth and make you young again and interested in banging your ugly wife.

Here is some reality for you. You think America is a democracy, and you think that you are liberal, and what is worse, you think your vote actually matters. And you wonder if what we are doing in Iraq is a good idea, and maybe you should support the troops.

But of coarse that is all in your mind.

The fact is that the whole Middle East hates you, and so does Italy, and France and fucking Botswana and Ireland. But it goes even deeper. because the people in Africa hate you, because you are a pig in shorts. and all of the animals everywhere hate you because your tv is sitting where their home was, and Cows and pigs and chickens and fish think you’re a fucking asshole. Turkeys want to kick the shit out of you a couple times a year.

But the best part is, that your own country hates you. And music and tv and movies, are all designed to make you think that you are intellectual because you watched the news and they told you what some asshole named Ann Coulter said. Meanwhile today, you just gave almost half of you check to a bunch of people who not only hate you, but laugh their balls off , as you spend the rest of your check, filling up that gigantic truck you thought you would buy after watching about a thousand tv commercials explaining what an asshole you are.

Guess what? everyone in high school hated you. And if someone put a gun to you head and said “You have thirteen weeks to get laid or I’ll shoot ” you would be fucking dead.

So maybe you have to worry a little bit more then if Asshole number one, or fuckwad number two is going to win “best dressed” in the fake Dog and Pony show. Instead maybe you should but the new Fity Cents cd and find out how much money he has, and how many bitches he just had sex with, and then maybe check in with Paris to see how much she just spent on shoes.

Do me a favor. Pretend that the news is a daily report card.

We just got an F.

Again

Your pal Randy

ps

Rap Music sucks dick

and that is supported by science folks. Sure I love the crazy beats and all of of the coolness. Those funny hand gestures and tons of women getting paid to act like whores, I love it.

but it need to go where Phil Collins went.

I think America needs to pick a fight with both Iran, and Mexico, shit I would throw Canada in there too because those assholes are all over the place and they don’t do shit, except take away all of the special effects jobs in california just like the Mexicans.

If it were up to me, I would have a war on drugs, a war in Iraq, A war with Iran, and a war with the Mexicans and also the Canadians and what the hell I would also have a war on women, and their stupid rights to have a baby or not. I would also combine wars like they combine stars who date, like Bennifer. I would call it operation Iraqieran, and bomb all of those fucks. Why I would even bet those two countries are close enough that when we show em really how to use a nuke, we can just use one big bomb.

Also, who the fuck do women think they are with all of this abortion talk, guess what? fuck you bitch. I had a talk with Jesus and he says fuck you too. maybe if you girls could go back to not having an orgasm, our sperm won’t find you egg. How about that? Use your heads for once.

Also, Fuck all of you gay people. God dammit do you people make me angry. Always being gay and shit. Why don’t you try and be like me…not gay. I used to like to watch E entertainment now, it should be called caddy comments from gay men. get over it, your not really gay you’re faking.

I’ve got another gripe. My fucking truck isn’t big enough. I need a rope ladder to get in it, but I still feel like it isn’t enough. It’s also not fast enough. I wish our boys over there in Iraq would hurry up, because it cost me two hundred dollars to fill it up. It’s black, but I hate black
people.

That reminds me. Can you black people keep it to just sports?

Also, Can Asian guys go back to loving Americans? I don’t know where I heard it, but I think I remember hearing that Asian people loved Americans. Now you guys walk around and act all black. Quit saying, ” You know what I’m saying?” Your not black, and besides, they just promised to go back to just excelling in sports. Leave music to white people, we know what we are doing. You can’t top REO Speedwagon, so forget it.

America, just needs to get back on track. I’m sorry to say that all of you people of color and gay people and women have fucked it all up. I think if we just close our doors and nuke the shit out of everyone else, we will be ok. And if we could all just listen to a little speedwagon.

oh and Global warming is for faggots, thats a scientific fact

your pal Randy