Your Pal Randy

I’ve never voted. Not once in my life. And I’m pushing forty. Am I part of the problem? You fucking bet I am. It would be great if I would go out there and cast a vote, but I wont. And that is because I couldn’t give a shit. I am lazy, and stoned just about every waking hour of the day.

The thing is, that most everyone I know is just like me. Those of you who feel you are different, I want to remind you, that casting your political views on a chat line, surrounded by artists and cg geeks, is about as political as smoking a joint and listening to rock music.

Sure Bush is an asshole, and a liar, and maybe even a cocksucker. But who is he fucking over? People. And who gives a shit about other people? the answer is…nobody does. Not one of us has done anything to help anyone. We make movies about spaceships and asshole robots. Then we eat dinner and masturbate.

That is about it.

Bush is doing what he is doing, because we let him, and in a way, we love it. He is like a dog at the food bowl eating as much as he can. And what does it really matter? really? in the end. A whole bunch of innocent people die, and a bunch of dumb American kids die too. So what. What are any of us going to do about it? send some emails?

And before you feel too bad about the fact that you are as lazy as me, think about this.

Spaceships are kind of cool, and masturbating to pictures of people who wouldn’t ever talk to you, is awesome. If you are going to be pretend, I say, pretend that the women in the Victoria Secret catalogue actually want you. This way you are only really lying to yourself.

Your pal Randy

Here is what happened.

I was at a Hollywood party over the weekend, and there were a lot of tv people there. Some of the folks from American Idol, and Lost, and Grey’s Anatomy, and stuff like that. Well, I was talking To Simon, and telling him that when he acts like an asshole on tv, a little bit of diarrhea drips out into my underwear, and he was saying “Thanks” and that he shits himself all the time. It was then , that I noticed Bill O’Reilly staring at me from across the room, sipping a cocktail.

So I walked over to him, and told him my name, and that I really liked the way he fucked average Americans nightly on his show. And that I thought is was cool that he will do anything for money like a whore. And that any bitch, who would sell out the American people, like he did, should be punished.

He grabbed my hand and put it on his slacks and I felt a huge erection.

Now I’m not gay, but I figured that I was going to fuck the shit out of him that night no matter what. So I told him I needed a pounding, and he made a weird sound like..”Uhhhgggnn” then said ” Let’s go”

We went back to his room and he yelled at me to “take my fucking pants off.” And I’ve never got undressed so fast, I’ll tell you. Well, he made me get on all fours and he came out from the closet in a pig mask and ran over to me. Shouting something about him being “king of all media” , and then he pulled his penis out of his pants, but as soon as he got it out of his underwear, he ejaculated immediately, and then started to cry.

You can only guess how embarrassed I was. I asked him if he would finish me off, and he screamed at me to leave to room as he cried in a corner in his little pig mask. When I left the room, he had his ass in the air and he was farting and dry humping the rug in his tighty whitey undies as he scooted around the room on his belly.

So I don’t care what you hear from the gossip bunch,

I did not fuck Bill O’Reilly

Your pal Randy

For those of you who read the book “To kill a mockingbird” you’ll know that Atticus Finch is a father who is a lawyer, and is a great guy. He is a man with principles, and a very strong will, but also a man who is kind, and understanding of everything. Really a great man, and a great father.

I was thinking the other day about people and the things that we do, and I am very curious about something.

As we all know, people today are nothing more then the sum total of all of the things we copy and imitate. We watch tv and movies and we imitate what we like. For instance, some people dress like the band Danzig. Goofy? Yes.

Lots of people dress and act like rap stars, who copy gangsters, this way, you have forty year old white guys acting gangsta. Stupid? Yes, as a matter of fact, disgusting.

Some women copy Paris, and some women copy Martha, blah, blah, blah, you get the idea.

I copy angry old man, and janitor, somewhere in there.

But here is my question, why is it, that we, as a group of people always decide to imitate the very bottom of the stupid barrel?

Instead if imitating a man like Atticus Finch, we imitate, ” the Rock”. Why do we do that? Is it because , that back when we lived in caves, Atticus Finch caveman, couldn’t do shit, and the Rock caveman, brought home some dead deer and shit? That down in our core we really only trust might and strength?

Also, If you are a white man, and you are getting a fat belly, why would you shave you head and have a goatee, and drive a big truck? That is almost as stupid as me wearing a dildo hat and smearing my own feces all over myself and running around naked yelling ” I’m a shit dick” I’m a shit dick”.

your pal randy