Archive for September, 2006

Weta Commercial

Wednesday, September 27th, 2006

In response to the really cool Katamari-esque commercial by WETA:

Do you people realize that most everyone else on the planet think that we are disgusting? If you don’t believe me, go out tonight and find someone who is even just a little attractive and tell them what you do for a living, and then count how many seconds it takes for them to change the subject. “Hi honey, My name is randy, and I worked on the Matrix Th…..”

“wait, where are you going?”

your pal Randy

Sad but true.

Jesus saves nothing

Saturday, September 23rd, 2006

You know, I love all of the religious stuff going on in the world right now. I love to watch and learn about other people and religions, mainly because they’re a bunch of assholes. Islam is all pissed at the Pope because of stuff he said. They want his head on a stick. I think they should get his head on a stick, not because of what he said, but because he is an asshole.

How come the little monkey man is so afraid of dying, that we have to make up a bunch of shit, so we feel better after we are dead? What is up with that? And how come, all of these people in high ranking positions are dummer then me? and they at least act like they believe in all of that stupid stuff?

I mean you watch the news and you can see grow people saying stuff like, is this the end of the world? Not because of bombs or cars or over population, but because God is mad. Well, that is pretty stupid.

If you are religious, do me a favor and go home tonight, take a hot bath and then say in the mirror. “Boy am I dumb” Because you are, and I’ll prove it.

God made the universe right? and everything in it. And I’d say, he did a pretty good job. But I have just one question. What was his grand plan with Jupiter? why did he make that? Did he make it in the off chance that the monkey man would some day build a telescope and find out that there is a pretty rock out there? Or did he just want to make a rock? It is nice though. Nobody asks that question. Hey God, thanks for mars, I think it’s red?

here is another one, and it is a bit of a sore subject for people. If you believe in a god, and you eat meat. Go home tonight take a nice hot bath and then tell yourself that god fucking hates you. That’s right. Because every day, thousands and thousands of innocent animals are slaughtered so we can actually get fat. I’m sure God is very proud of the hamburger that you had at lunch. And I’m also sure that God in his infinite wisdom thinks that you are more important then the animal that lived in the worse conditions that you could possibly imagine, and then die a horrible death for just you. You go God.

I love to watch the monkey man make sense of it. “Randy, the holocaust was so terrible. How could they?” then “I’ll have kosher please” not even knowing how horrible it was for the animal that they are about to eat. “Isn’t it just terrible, and how could the German people just let that happen? Horrible!

Well what about the slaughterhouses? “Oh, I don’t want to know, because I like the taste of bacon, and if I knew what they did, I wouldn’t eat it.” Someone actually said that to me.

I’ll feel sorry for your stupid grandparents if you quit eating meat. Other wise shut the fuck up.

Most people believe that God made animals so that humans could do whatever we want with them and they are here only to serve our purpose.

And that is why both God and I hate you… because you’re stupid.

If you think that I am exaggerating, please go on to youtube and look up a film called “earthlings”

Try and choke that shit down and then talk about God.

your pal Randy

gettin it

Tuesday, September 19th, 2006

BOGOTA, Colombia – They are calling it the “crossed legs” strike.

Fretting over crime and violence, girlfriends and wives of gang members in the Colombian city of Pereira have called a ban on sex to persuade their menfolk to give up the gun.

Ok folks, these crazy bitches are getting it done. and if I may say so I called for this strategy years ago. My plan was to get chicks to stop fucking tuff guys and rap stars, because I hate both.

And lets face it. Everything we do as men, is to get laid. We don’t care about anything else. If you want people to vote, you should get a free blowjob in the booth. I’d vote all day.

Women, if you have a man, you should know that he wants to fuck all sorts of shit. We’re crazy with it. Now, some of you assholes who have girlfriends and wives might argue and say, “Well not me honey.” and not only are you a liar, you’re an asshole.

When I was a teenager, I had a really hard time getting women. You want to know what I did? Think I cared?

I was fucking rocks and dirt and shit. I used to come home with dirt all over the front of my pants and tell my parents that I fell down. That is how much we like it. Put a bunch of sticks together and fuck it.

and you women who could run the world, with the control you have over men. Spend your time getting angry at what another women looks like, or how could he be with her? You throw it all away because you’re as stupid as men.

makes me angry.

love you people

your pal Randy