Archive for October, 2006

Hitting It

Monday, October 23rd, 2006

speaking of Masturbation

I had a real crazy masturbation weekend. I don’t know if it’s what I ate, ot the fact that I’ve been doing push ups, or the fact that I was higher then Bob Marley, but I really “hit it” this weekend. And by saying “hit it” I mean a lot.

As a guy, and I’m talking a healthy guy on a Saturday, most of the time, I can rock a double banger. Once in the morning and once at night. But I have to say I more then doubled that on Saturday alone.

My helmut hurt

That’s called “hitting it.”

Maybe it’s because I’m getting old, and I’ll only look good masturbating for maybe ten more years, or maybe it’s a mid life thing.

And I got into it. I had my feet in the air, and I said stuff out loud, like ” You like that baby?” I may have even yelled “Suck it! ” at the porno, it was great.

Next weekend I’m going to try and knock one out, on all three’s

Most of my friends tell me, to play with my anus, but to tell you the truth, I’m not into that. I think that’s a little much, but to each his own.

your pal Randy

the sharing of knowledge

Tuesday, October 17th, 2006

Q: how willing should one be to share production/pipeline knowledge with one’s current employer that came from time spent at another?

I wouldn’t tell them shit.

For two reasons. Number one, by the scientific graph of humans, it has been calculated that nine out of ten people are assholes and five out of ten, deserve to die. Now, this isn’t my personal opinion. I like people. It’s science. And math.

Also, how much do you make? Do you make enough money that you feel like just sharing some secrets so these assholes can make some more money and then tell you that you are doing a good job? I say make em pay for it. At the very least with hookers or something.

I used to give out advice to computer guys about women all the time. Simple stuff, like if you don’t pee on the toilet seat, women respect that. And if you take down the action figures from your desk, she might just go to lunch with you. Stuff like that. And do you think anybody sent me any kickback? like, “Randy that was good information, and my new girlfriend is going to blow you under your desk while you surf porn.”


I say make them pay for it.

Your pal Randy

Star Wars

Thursday, October 12th, 2006


Now as many of you know. I had the Kenner Darth Vader action figure, when I was seven. And I played with it. That was until my penis started working, then I played with that instead.

What is it about Star Wars that makes gown people act like such assholes? Is it because these people never found their penis? I say penis because the Star Wars geek is slanted just slightly to the boys side. Slightly.

I don’t get it.

Spaceships are wonderful, under two very specific circumstances. One is that you are seven. And the other one is that you work for Nasa. The rest of us should by all practical means, be bored out of our minds by spaceships.

Now I know that most of us work for some visual effects company, and at the and of the day after you masturbate you might tell yourself that the childish peter pan thing that makes so many women sick, is justified because you work in special effects.

and to this I say When has ILM put out anything worth watching? Let me guess Van Helsing? Or was it attack of the clones?

I want you to look down at you desk right now. And if you see an action figure and you are not seven years old, I want you to throw it away.

If we keep acting like this, our kids will be born without sex organs

Your pal Randy