Archive for November, 2006

I Love Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 23rd, 2006

A many of you people know, Thanksgiving is one of the holidays that I love best. My Family, on my moms side took part in the slaughter of all those poor injuns, back in the day, I think the motherfucker was Welsh, but needless to say, we have been celebrating ever since.

My grandmother Alma was the best at cooking the turkey. Lena, who was German couldn’t cook a turkey to save her life, and to tell you the truth, I don’t think that Germans have ever been good at anything other then being assholes, and blonde, I guess. But my dad’s side of the family is German, so
we love them anyway.

Well, one Thanksgiving, back when I was in junior high school, my whole family got together and we were going to have quite the celebration. This time instead of having a frozen turkey we went to one of those farms where you get to pick it out, and kill it yourself. Well Lena shouted something like. “Das Puken akt Mine Spietel!” and we all looked at her like she was mad, and it turned out that she wanted to be the one who took the turkey down. Knowing that Alma was going to get all of the praise over her delicious gravy.

We pointed out the bird we wanted, and my god was it a big one. It’s majestic plumage suggested quite a feast, and we handed Grandma Lena the twenty two, rifle, but before we could say anything, Lena had slipped over the fence with a butcher knife between her teeth.

“No!” my dad whispered, but it was too late, Lena had already begun the hunt. She crouched down, among the other birds and did her best to blend in. Every now and then you would see her head pop up with her huge glasses on, and she would “Gobble,gobble” then duck back down, and make her way to the large bird.

The gigantic Turkey having no idea what was about to descend upon it, pecked away at the ground without a care in the world, as Lena crawled closer. Lena popped her head up and said “Gobble.. and then we saw her head explode. A fountain of blood started spewing out of the hole in her head, and she said “Aktune Gobble mine shtappo” as she fell to the ground.

We turned around and saw that Alma was holding the rifle. Well, that was about enough of that. My dad, elbowed her in the neck, and me and my brothers started to punch the old bag in the face and groin Until she fell into a heap of old skid and urine.

That Thanksgiving Alma had to make the turkey herself and all of the fixing, for what she did to Lena. She had three broken ribs and she lost an eye and some fingers, but we didn’t care. The old bitch had to pay.

I love Thanksgiving and I miss my family.

Have a great one

your pal Randy

Posted in Holidays & Memories | No Comments »

Bay bay Liberty

Thursday, November 16th, 2006

It’s hard to be right on this topic.

here is another point of view. I would bet that almost everyone who has a opinion about smoking eats meat. Probably everyday of their lives, and on some days you might eat, chicken, Cow and pig, and what the fuck, throw a little fish in there too.

The fact is that it is disgusting. And to someone who doesn’t eat it, It is disgusting and gross, and packs a lot of cruelty and Murder with it. But, for now it is considered normal, much like smoking was considered normal fifty years ago.

We all know smoking is bad for you, and smells disgusting, unless you are addicted, then it taste fucking great.

What is so different then smelling smoke, or to watch a fat fuck squeeze a hamburger down their fat fuck throat? These people should maybe have a salad, or a fruit cup, but if you even suggest that they don’t eat pork, they will say something like. ” but I like the taste of bacon.”

Not only is bacon very bad for you, but comes at a very big cost. To everybody, not just the poor animal.

Most of us, don’t care to know about that cost, because we like the taste. We know that, horrible things are happening, behind close doors and we don’t want to even know about it, because we like it. Even though most of us could use a salad. I’ve been through the crew pictures, we aren’t the cast of Baywatch, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

I find it a little sad, that we as a group of people will consume at such a fevered pitch, and waste, and contribute money to such a horrible practice, and then have the nerve to complain about smelling smoke.

Let people smoke, if they want. None of us are going to live forever. relax, and look the other way, and be cool about it.

Or don’t eat that fucking hamburger around me, because, you and your greasy chin and fat gut are making me sick.

your pal Randy.

Posted in Food, Politics & Commentary | No Comments »

Rumsfeld knows exactly what my penis looks like

Monday, November 13th, 2006

And that is because it’s in his mouth right now.

Thank you Jason, that was a nice thing to say. And it reminds me of a true story, with yours truly in it.

A long time ago, I worked in this deli in Boston. I was twenty one, ish and I grew my hair long. In hindsight I looked like a real blower. Anyway, I worked with a guy named Emit, and he was an amazing artist and a cool guy and he was pretty gay. Pretty fucking gay.

Emit tried to get into my pants almost everyday. He would grab me from behind, and all sorts of stuff. I told him once that I would fuck him just to get him to leave me alone, but alas, I am just attracted to women, with all of their stupid baggage and bullshit. And crazy “off the charts” egos.

Emit asked me, what it would take to get me in bed, and I told him I would think about it. The next day I told him that if he found six women who were willing to fuck me all at once, I think I might just need to suck a dick in all of that. Maybe a little something in the ass.

God bless him, he tried, and even got a couple of women who were willing, but not enough by my book. But I will respect him forever for trying.

The thing that I am the most amazed at, is how willing people are to be depressed, or hurtful. There is murder all over the news every morning. People kill each other like as if they are drinking water. And nobody bats an eye. Almost every thing on tv is based on hate and fear and lies and hurt. Death, death, death.

But you really cross the line when you talk about pleasing yourself. Think about that.

Pleasing yourself.

That should be every persons goal, every day of their lives.

What are we so afraid of? Why is sexual pleasure so scary? It drives us to do all sorts of stupid stuff, like pray. Just because an orgasm feels good. Last night I parked in front of my neighbors house and this morning there was egg on my car. What goes in in that guys mind? what the fuck is he so angry about? He needs to jerk off a little if you ask me.

Free love didn’t work, but we learned about condoms. I think it is time that people start fucking each other again, and get intimate. I see all of these couples, who obviously lost their intimacy, and they are fat fucks, getting out of trucks filling the empty void with Mc Donald’s.

I think it might just be about time that we learn that it is ok, to feel good and be happy.

and by the way,

it feels good to be an American again, even if it’s just for a day.

I love you people

your pal randy

Posted in Holidays & Memories | No Comments »

Dead or Alive movie (trailer)

Tuesday, November 7th, 2006

Although I am proud in a way that I am know for masturbating at every step, I want you guys to know, That I don’t masturbate to R Rated material. I feel like watching a movie like Dead or Alive, is not only, just a tease, I feel like it is unfair to women. And I hate that.

First off, who needs to see women in tight pants, I can see that on my way to lunch, and I don’t have to listen to any dialoge, written for the sole purpose of making me sick.

Also, I feel like these movies are unfair to women. Not in the fact that they are sexist, but in the way that if falsely shows that these hot women, can act.

Now here is the deal.

When a guy like Steven Segal, says something really stupid before he starts kicking ass, it’s disgusting. But the very idea that these women would talk about breaking a nail, during a fight, is so stupid, that my penis won’t even get hard. Sure I could move it around a little through my pants, hoping that the friction in my underwear get’s me an erection, but that is pushing it.

I don’t like to be titillated. I don’t like to almost see Janet Jackson’s nipple, and I don’t need to see, cat woman, and wish that Haley Berry would fall out of her top.

My erections deserve Real Porno. real naked women, and more nipples then you can shake a stick at.

And my penis gets just that. God bless it

your pal Randy

Posted in Movie Review | No Comments »

Why Vote Republican

Friday, November 3rd, 2006

God that chick was awful. I’ll tell you folks, If a woman has a huge sore on her ass, stay away from her.

Anyway, what Neil misses, and I hope he agrees with me on this one is…

fuck America.

What Neil doen’t get, with his rolled up jeans and Stray Cats buy America stuff, is that America is based on a thing called capitalism. And that word, is responsible for a lot of wealthy people, and a lot more hungry, poor, sad and dead, people.

And America, couldn’t give a shit about them.

For instance. The Ford Motor company, and american company, de railed the trolley car here in Los Angeles, causing endless amounts of pollution and car wrecks and litter and traffic, All for profit. They have a lot of money, and they have done very bad things with it.

The Ford Motor company can fold tomorrow for all I care and I hope the people who own it, jump out of a fucking window.

The NRA. I think they are American. Why, they are quite rich, and they are responsible for more deaths then all of the terrorists all over the world combined times two. Kids, getting slaughtered in school. They aren’t even on the radar, as being bad for America.

I just finished a little kids book, and got a thousand printed. ( I know, Thanks I love it too!) And you want to know where I got it printed? In the good old USA, actually that’s a lie, I got it printed in Viet Nam. In the good old USA, they wanted to charge more then eight dollars a book, that means I could afford to have three of them printed.

I got it printed at a very reasonable price. I won’t tell, because it would make you sick.

That is called capitalism, and it runs everything. Fuck American, buy over seas

Also don’t believe Neil. We can change things, but we need to start in a different place. I quit eating meat more then four years ago, it’s hard, and it’s stupid. But I feel good knowing that I haven’t given any money to the slaughter of animals, I am taking away from that horrible, horrible business.

It’s stupid, and I would loose every argument that you guys could throw at me, but I don’t care, because I’m making even the smallest of change all by myself.

beat that.

you pal randy

ps

I did like that song Stray Cats strut, so rock on Neil!

Posted in Politics & Commentary | No Comments »

I’ll tell you why I’ll vote Republican

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

First off, because I’m scared of being attacked by brown people. And it gives me a false sense of wealth. Also I hate niggers, Chinks, and Spics, and all non whites. Oh, and Injuns.

Most of all I hate faggots, the faggots that I’m not fucking I mean.

I could give a shit about the environment, and I’d like to keep women down if I can. Which I can.

But most of all, when I drive around in my gas guzzling SUV, I like to hide behind a fake pride, about being just mediocre enough to have an opinion that learned on tv. It makes me feel better knowing that if I don’t think about it at all, My middle class life has some purpose.

And fuck all of those dummy’s who are fighting for me in Iraq, because it’s time to fill up my truck.

America rules!

your pal randy

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San Fran gun fight

Wednesday, November 1st, 2006

What happened to America? This place sucks now.

I know a lot of you hear me talk about getting laid, and I overuse the joke, but I have some serious questions. First off, What is so cool about being “hard” It’s what I have always hated the direction that Rap music took, this bullshit “Hard thing, that everyone is so fucking excited about. How come everyone thinks they are hard? and what is so great about it? I swear to God I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents who are seventy five started rapping with their Glock n shit.

It’s fucking stupid.

Your not hard if you shoot somebody, your just an asshole. Any seven year old kid can shoot somebody, as a matter of fact, they are doing it everyday out there. I’ll tell you who was “Hard” Jeffery Dammar. Because he actually ate the persons head. That’s “hard” And lets just cut to the chase, If Rap music was so fucking great, then why is it that any white asshole can mimic it? How many white guys out there are doing James Brown, or Barry White? I’ll tell you …none. Because they can’t. Even a tool like Kfed can do Rap music. because it fucking sucks.

We in the entertainment industry had better start coming up with some new material, because we are to blame in a big way. These idiots watch tv and movies and copy it. Little kids think that they are hardcore. The shame is, that I can watch a violent movie and not think I’m Scarface, but then again,
that’s why I rule so much.

Also, this is what kills me the most. It is easier and more acceptable to get into a fight or kill someone then it is to get laid in this country. For some reason the violence meter is out of control, but we have a big problem with gay people getting married. Who’s’ dumb fucking rules are those?

Fox news would have you believe that the terrorists are a real threat to the USA, but they couldn’t hold a candle to the amount of Americans, that Americans have killed. In the last ten years, Terrorists including 911, have killed about four thousand civilians. Americans have killed that many in this year alone. Any gun laws coming our way? Nope, oh, I was wrong, only the law that it is now ok, to sell someone a fucking machine gun. Good thinking.

Some asshole walks into a school and kills a bunch of kids. what does the media suggest? Maybe the teachers should have guns? Not should we get rid of them, only that we may need more. They should all get fired.

As a joke I always suggest to women, that they should go over seas and fuck the shit out of our enemy’s. If you want to solve the problem. And women get so angry at that. But here is the real question. Since America was founded, men, have been putting down their lives. Getting shot or blinded or blown up, losing legs and arms. I’m suggesting that we go over there and do something that actually feels good to do. Fuck the shit out of everybody, and to this people get upset. At the idea of doing something that feels good.

think about that.

Good job ruining San Francisco on Halloween night, you are soo street and soo hard.

You also need to get laid

your pal Randy

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