Archive for February 23rd, 2007

Toys

Friday, February 23rd, 2007

All together I have seven nephews and nieces. And I love them. Here is one thing I noticed about people when they are really little. They love to take shit out of the toy box and throw it all over the place. I have to say that I think they all did it, at some point. Generally around two years old.

One thing I don’t get, is why my brothers buy them so many toys when they are that young, because it seems like all they really like to do with the toys, is take them out of the toy box, and throw the shit everywhere.

I think I would buy my kid only one toy for that reason. I’d let the kid play with a shoe or something, because at that age, there is no difference from a sock, or a wooden ducky, and I don’t care what you say. Many kids have died playing with a plastic bag for gods sake, so that shows you how much a kid can like a fucking plastic bag.

But this presents a bigger issue. If the game is to take shit out of a box and throw it around, why isn’t it just as fun to pick it up and throw it back in the box? It isn’t fun. Why? I mean it’s almost the same game if you think about it.

For some reason, cleaning up sucks, and we know it when we are two years old.

Don’t get the wrong idea folks. I wash, and I do dishes and clean up. But I do hate it. Unless I’m stoned, then I love it, but you know what I mean.

I really wonder why. Is it because the orgasm of joy that you feel when you throw toys around is over? If the game started with Toys being all over the place, and kids got to run into a room and throw them in a toy box, would they hate it from the start?

also, if you are reading this and you look down at your desk and there is a plastic Darth Vader, you need to wise the fuck up.

I’m serious about that.

Your pal Randy

Menopause

Friday, February 23rd, 2007

I was talking with some people the other day and the subject of Menopause came up. First off, here is something I noticed. When you talk about Menopause everybody looks down at their feet, and they say stuff like. “Well, that is a very special and beautiful time for a woman, and it’s natural, and can be really hard on a woman.”

And when you mention a man have having a mid life crisis, this is what happens. ” Women scrunch their faces up like they had a hot chili, while men look at the ground and women say stuff like this. “That sick basterd bought a corvette and started fucking a twenty year old! Men!

I think this is unfair, and if I may say so, A little cruel. Here are a couple of points that I think we’re forgetting.

Number one. It is completely natural for a man to want to fuck everything he sees, until he is seventy five. This includes rocks and sticks and shit. If you don’t know this, you should.

If you have a man, and he has been faithful to you, this means that despite his true nature he has resisted fucking tons of women, only for you, and has resorted to masturbating heavily.

Also, he has to hide his masturbating from you because you wouldn’t understand. You would say stuff like this……”Again?”

I think it is a little sick, that the true male, has been neutered, to the point of caring that Anna Nichole Smith had boobs. Considering that when we were Vikings, we would row ashore and fuck up all kinds of stuff. Kill babies and rape everything before we burned it to the ground.

I’m not saying we should act like that, I’m just saying that we’ve come along way baby.

And you’re still not happy.

It makes me sad that women are so judgmental about sexuality, especially because every women reading this could get laid by the time I reached down and touched my penis. Even if you are ugly.

But you want more out of life.

If you want to know how disgusting your man is, here is something you can do.

The next time you’re alone, pop in a porno, and start to get your romance on. Tell him that your best girlfriends and you have been talking and you girls want to have a foursome with him.

then wait for him to say no.

It will never happen.

Women, go get your man laid, and men, stop acting like a bunch of assholes. And be happy for once in your life

I love you people

Your pal Randy

ps do they call it menapause because when it happens you put men on hold? I don’t get it.