Archive for February 26th, 2007

Toys

Monday, February 26th, 2007

I’m surprised you don’t remember my dads vagina Lafferty, He was also the singer in your band.

Thanks for the picture Doug. I still don’t remember that Wallin dude. No doubt a great guy. Funny and sharp. I’be been trying to think of something to say all weekend, but he got me. I’m like a bowel movement, or I’m a bowel movement. You can’t beat that.

Except for a story….

When I was sixteen my next door neighbor was also sixteen, and those of you who know anything about anything, knows that means “Make Out”. She was awesome, about as ugly as me, we made out on the road and in the woods by our houses, it was awesome. She would also have friends over and I’d get to make out with them. Now before you go thinking that I had it made, you have to remember that I was still in the “rub on them and cum in your corduroys stage. My little pistol was ready to fire by the time I got it out of the holster. But I was pretty good at making out, and titty grabbing.

Well one day it happened. My neighbor and her friend had been drinking, and they called me over on the phone. My mother could hear that that it was a rowdy scene over there, and I ate dinner as fast as I could and ran down into my older brothers Gary’s room and grabbed a condom. Not that I ever used one, but I knew where the secret stash was. I fucking ran over to her house and was led by my hand into a room. Where a very drunk girl took off her clothes and laid down waiting for pleasure.

I gently put my hand between her legs and found a mound of hair. Then I took out the condom opened it and unrolled it first, then tried to slip it on my penis. It wouldn’t. I could just barely get it over my cap, and it hung there like a ski hat or a sock hanging off your foot. I started to sweat a little so I began to rub the mound of hair, come to think of it, I think I was rubbing around her belly button.

It was then that my mom called on the phone, and told me to come home.

In hindsight, it’s a good thing that I didn’t “get any” that day. Because, although now, in my mind, I play the scene very different, back then I think if My penis even came close to that hairy mound It would have been over before it started. And in a way that would have been more embarrassing.

Your pal Randy