Archive for April, 2007

Bragging

Friday, April 27th, 2007

I was caught bragging the other day. I was talking to this guy I work with, and I was, uhh…bragging, and he called me out on it. I was talking about some stuff that happened to me, and it was awesome stuff. I hate to brag, but so far, in my life, I’ve had a lot of stuff happen, and lets just say that most of it is kicks ass. I’m sorry I know I’m bragging, but I’ll get to my point in a minute.

Anyway. He said. ” I don’t talk about stuff like that because people would think I was bragging” and the way he said it, I could tell that he was annoyed, because he sounded like he just sucked on a lemon. And I was like, “That’s because I am bragging” and then we talked about some other stuff and that was that.

Now, later on when I was thinking about it, it really started to bother me. At first I felt bad, because I guess I’m an asshole because I brag about myself a lot. But then something hit me.

What the fuck is wrong with bragging?

think about it. Has our culture gotten so fucked up that the only thing that we are allowed to talk about is depressing shit.

Yes.

I could walk up to anyone, even people I don’t know, and say ” How about the Virginia Teck thing, so sad. the way all of those people died? Horrible, and the would say. Yes it’s so horrible?

Or Aids is so sad, and horrible, isn’t it. and anyone would agree yes, it’s so horrible and so sad. and then you can talk about that all day long.

but mention some good shit that happened to you, and people get upset.

“I don’t talk about good stuff” is what I think he should have said.

Almost everything we watch on tv is fucking beat, and the only reason we watch that shit, is because someone gets dicked.

American Idol. Who watches that because they want to see the upcoming new superstar? Or is it because you have weeks of people getting elimintaed. The real World, Survivor, Trump, the evening news? all fucking bummers. We watch it because we are interested in watching people fail.

We all love Michael jackson now because he looks like he is dead and he fucks little kids and runs from the law.

So fuck that shit, I am going to brag. And I am not interested in who doesn’t like you or what went wrong. Or how sad it is.

This life is awesome. Turn your fucking tv sets off. Quit being such an asshole and go out there and enjoy yourself.

your pal randy

teh REAL cuase of global warming

Friday, April 27th, 2007

Joe wrote:

You guys are so gullible you probable believe in global worming.
Duped again!

See what I’m talking about? If I was to go into a bar full of horney women and talk like this, I couldn’t get laid to save my life. I think these mails are like a form of abstinence in a way.

Joseph, I’m obviously not as smart as you, but just think for a minute about the pile of waste that you have made in your life. And I’m not talking about your career or the things that you say, I’m talking about the garbage that you as a person have eaten, bought, and thrown out. Then, just for a minute multiply that by the amount of people on the planet.

did you do it?

Now, is it a stretch to think that could have possibly caused some trouble for the environment? Or is it some evil leftist scientist plan to uh.. save the environment.

I would like to know what these people stand to gain by cleaning up the place?

Even if global warming is all fake. Why wouldn’t anyone want to support cleaning some shit up?

I don’t get it.

Now I know you’re bored at work making episode six or whatever the fuck you’re doing and you want to get a reaction out of people, but really.

trust me vaginas are great. You should think about getting one.

Or if you go that way, get yourself pounded. I’m ok with either

your pal Randy

randy needs lube

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

It’s always been true. Once when I was in high school, I couldn’t get
any, and I fucked a bunch of sticks.

I really could of used some lube back then.

That reminds me. I’ve been thinking of ways to help prevent some of the gun
violence in the USA, and I think I’ve got it.

What if all guns were legal, fucking automatic shit, you named it. But what
if they were shaped likeĀ  a penis? And were flesh color.

I think a lot of men would turn to stabbing.

Think about that

Your pal randy

Heffner

Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

I was watching that E entertainment show the other day, about the three playboy bunny’s, and Hue Heffner. and I have to say, I had more respect for Hue, before I saw that show.

If I was that rich, I would pay those women to shut the fuck up, when I walked into a room.

If there is a god, I want to know why he (or she) would make something as beautiful as Tyra Banks, and then let her be so stupid and annoying, that she can make a penis soft.

Can you imagine, Tyra talking to you? Sitting around in your house and talking to you? I’d fucking kill her.

I mean, I’m glad Hef is banging some women, and I think it’s the American dream. But why oh lord do they have to be so stupid.

Does a guy like Hef need to hear about what her dog was wearing? Or how they looked in boots? And is a vagina so great, that anyone can stand that much talking about nothing?

I know men suck, but that’s another email all together.

Women of America

one word

fuck you

Your pal randy

I’m not talking about all of you smart ugly women, you’re different.

Global warming update

Monday, April 23rd, 2007

I don’t think anyone is mocking religion, or worshiping false Idols. I think we’re seeing warning signs and trying to stay alive and have a hospitable world for our descendents.

That’s not true. I am.

I wish that everyone who was religious would burn, or get electrocuted, or explode in front of me.
I wish anyone dumb or lonely enough to believe in any of that shit, would get eaten by a bear or a lion.

I also wish that people who were “Right winged” would get into a huge gun battle, and kill each other.

Mr. stevenson’s problem is that he is either dumber then I was in kindergarten, or he just doesn’t know how to get laid. Because, anyone, and I mean even my dead grandmother, knows that you can’t get laid when you write emails like he does.

Sorry, that is a scientific fact.

Maybe, he is afraid of his penis, and he is ashamed, like most of the “right”, and he wants to preventĀ  people from wanting to suck his penis, maybe that’s why he writes it. I don’t know.

but if I wanted to dry up a vagina, I would write some of the things that he writes about global warming.

because by god, is it stupid.

your pal Randy