Your Pal Randy

Samuel Hitches awoke with a slight feeling of dread. It was November 23rd and the farm was cold and grey. From his bed he could hear the livestock in the barn, and the smell of horse and cow, met his nostrils, reminding him of all of the things that needed to be done before the end of the day.

He got up, and the pain hit the muscles of his back also reminding him of how much work he does a day. “Sheeet” he said out loud as he stretched. What he needed was a hot bath a good breakfast, and a sip of the old juice.’ That out to do it” he said out loud again, as he got up. Just then he slumped a little, as the image of his fucking sister in law creeped into his head. “Aww fuck” he said to himself. “That bitch is coming down with those asshole kids.” The brother in law, was
alright, but that bitch made him sick. It’s not what she said, but the things she didn’t say. The way she looked down on him for marring her sister. Shit, it wasn’t the marriage as it was getting her pregnant. But Margie was a good wife and a great mother to little Timmy, and If all that Samuel had to do was get through the holidays without a fight, then that was good enough.

Samuel got under the spicket and ice cold water dumped out unto him. “Jesus. H. Christ on a God damn stick” he said, as the ice blue water cascaded over him. If that didn’t wake you up nothing would. That was some cold fucking water. “No heat this year” he though to himself, as a grim familiar tingle that ran across his belly. he just knew that bitch was going to make a comment. But then again, was it too much to have fucking hot water for his family? This year it was. maybe I should sell this dumb farm he thought, but then what? It wasn’t like he was good at anything, it wasn’t like it would be all that easy for him to get a job.

“Is there any breakfast ready?” he yelled at the stairs, putting on his overalls and snapping them shut. The realization of what he had to do today hung in the back of his mind. The turkey. Samuel was accustom to killing, it was what a farmer did. you never get too attached to the animals, had to keep little Timmy away from the damn pigs. Once he saw that stupid movie with the talking pig and the spider, it was all over.

“Is Breakfast ready?” he yelled out again, hearing nothing but farm life. he could hear the pigs and the “cluck cluck” of the turkey’s in the barn. If they only knew what was coming for them today he thought to himself and a little smile spread across his face. Not like it was funny or anything, but those damn birds are stupid. “Oh shit, the axe, I forgot to sharpen the axe!” He said out loud. Well that would have to wait until after breakfast.

Samuel slipped on his boots and clomped down the stairs. Margie must have taken Timmy to town to get whatever that stupid bitch of a sister would want for a Thanksgiving meal. probably wine or something Richie rich like that, but there had better be breakfast waiting when he got downstairs or so help me, Margie would be hiding out for the Holidays.

“Is anybody here?” he began to yell as he stepped into the kitchen, but he stopped short. the kitchen was bloodbath. pots and pans were boiling over and steam was ringing in the air. On the kitchen table was a hot cup of coffee, and sitting next to it, was a plate with Timmy’s head cut off at the neck, his eyes staring blankly at nothing. he has an ear of corn stuffed into his mouth as flies crawled and buzzed around it. Next to the table was Margie, or what was left of Margie. her head was gone and one of her arms was stuffed into the neck. It almost looked as if she was waiving to him from the floor.

“What the fuck” he said out loud, as he heard something coming up from behind him. Something big. He spun around, but took a blow to his head and darkness came over him.

When Samuel came to, he smelled the thick oder of manure all around him. He was hogtied with his arms around his back and the rope was eating into his groin. Samuel noticed that he was thrown over the cutting stump. ” What the fuck” he screamed, this time as the cluck cluck sound began to rise. He realized that he was surrounded by turkeys. they were all over scratching and pecking at him. one of the turkey even spit seed at him. “This is crazy” he said as he tried to crane his neck around to see. It was at that moment that he first saw it. From back with in the barn the shape of a huge Turkey moved. It stepped out of the dark, ducking it’s head around the eves. Samuel could not gage how big, but this was the biggest turkey he had ever seen. As it moved, the other turkey went wild, clucking and scratching and pecking at Samuel. The huge bird stepped past him and he saw the heavy blade of the axe lift up out of view.

“It’s dull” he said through spit and tears. He strained to look, to make some sort of contact with the great bird. “You don’t understand, the blade, it’s still dull” he pleaded. Tears ran down his cheeks making everything blurry, “Please”, he tried to say something, anything, as the turkeys went wild.” It wont cut…” he started to say, But then thought came to Samuel. I don’t think it cares.