Archive for January, 2008

America the Busted

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

here we are again.

America is busted. America is so busted that they are coming up with zany schemes to get people to buy shit, it’s awesome. I’m glad. Now, I’m not glad because I like to see people suffer. That is not true. I’m glad because we fucking deserve it.

here is the rub. If you let a president steal an election, then watch your country go to war, against the rest of the worlds pleading, to watch a few people in power get even richer, and then go out and have the balls to drive a Toyota Tundra, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, and put a sticker on your huge gas guzzling truck that says “support the troops”. If you have those kinds of balls.

you should eat a little shit.

And I feel like the shit should be a little gooey. That’s all I’m saying.

If you live in a country that has a war on drugs, and sends people to jail for years and years, and you also have television commercials where they sell you drugs that can make you bleed out of your ass, and die, and they tested them, and some people in fact, bled out of their asses and died.

I think maybe, you should eat a little shit.

If any, and I mean any asshole, talks about the sanctity of life, then puts a bill “back” saying it’s ok to sell machine guns again, we were just kidding about banning them. If anyone flip iggitty ops on that one.

I think maybe it’s time to gag a little on that “cock sandwich” that you made for yourself.

Maybe I’m glad that the fucking goes the other way sometimes. I don’t know. And to watch the news and hear the debates these people have, It feels like flying back in time, and I’m watching cavemen argue about sticks. You feel like screaming at them.”YES IT’S STICKS ALREADY, MOVE ON! ARE YOU THAT FUCKING STUPID?”

Maybe if we all eat a little more shit then we already are, just a little, we won’t celebrate dumb America so hard.

your pal Randy


Monday, January 21st, 2008

Dudes, there are spoilers.

I don’t know a lot. I’ve never been good at math, and to tell you the truth, I can’t spell to save my life. But I do know one thing. If one of those parasites falls off the back of a huge thing that is fucking up a city, and it bites you. You are going to pop like a fucking tick.

There are many reasons why Cloverfield fucking rules. And I know that during the film you might have wanted to yell,” hold the camera still for three seconds please”, I know me too, but then, the city started to land all over you and you started to run down the street screaming.

Ok, here goes.

Why did the Monster go to New York City? Where did It come from? Was it a scientific experiment?

who the fuck cares?

Nobody, when you are running down the street about to get fucked up.

I loved Jurassic Park, but that DNA shit, got everyone and their mothers trying to come up with some stupid logical reasons why their monster was there. It got to the point where you would have some stupid blonde at a computer terminal spitting out lines that sounded like she was reading a Star Trek script.

Here’s the deal kids. Run. That is all you need to know. And by the way, we don’t care if you hide under a bridge and love your girlfriend.

When it comes to creature effects, Tippet Studio is like one of those Frazetta paintings of Conan. The ones where there is a pile of people in pain looking up at the sky saying ‘Oh Shit!” And Conan is flying over everybody about to deliver the goods.

That shit in the subway, out standing.

You people at Tippett, if you read this, go get yourself a drink at lunch, and make it a double. Because that shit was great!

And I hope all of the fat dudes with ponytails who left the theaters saying stuff like ” well they didn’t explain why… beep borp dorp!” get hit by a bus

your pal Randy

Not to take anything away from Tippett … but I/we over here at Double Negative also worked on this. So I’m gonna slap my ass and say whoo hoo 🙂

You should, and no offence to double negative, I worked at Tippett, and I was giving a “shout out” to the people who I know personally who kick ass.

And I’m sure Double Negative is great, and so was ESC, but if you are going to talk about reasitic creature animation, Tippett and Weta rule the roost. And you can’t fuck with that.

ILM can bring out the good foot, and they do, when they have too. But most other stuff pales in comparison, in my opinion.

I worked on Spiderman 3 and you couldn’t ride that busted donkey to the bakeoff, so calm the fuck down.

I love you people

your pal Randy

Re: What are you doing here?

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

I know, I love it. I love the fantasy world we live. On both sides of that coin. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and this chick is gorgeous. really, a knockout. She started dating, this dude who seems really cool, I’m happy for her. We of coarse got on the subject of sex, and in that conversation, I found out that she didn’t like porn, as a matter of fact, thought it was a little gross. “The first thought that came to my mind was. “That poor basterd.”

I mean she’s hot, so good for him, I’m sure that he is high fiving the fucking mirror, when she gets down to her underwear, I’m sure of it.

But a brother needs some porn. And he can’t share that with her. And that fucking sucks for him.

Women that I talk to about this, always shrug it off, and say that men are gross, and that their dude isn’t like that. But That’s a lie, and they know it. For one reason, How did they get that guy into a relationship?

If you don’t work in the FX industry and Darth Vader hasn’t been number one in your life from the age of twelve, If you’re an average guy, who can talk to people, you get into a relationship because the women you are with, outfucked the rest of them. I know, a little scary, but true. She may be great, she may be smart, she may like the same movies you do, but she caught you with her sex net. And what a great net that is.

Women, who act like they don’t know this, aren’t dumb, they are lying, because if you broke up with them, they would maybe take some time to get over you, and then they would bring that sex net back out in public.( These are the women that I like the most, by the way.)

Anyway, back to porn, what we men have lost, in the last fifty years is the right to be men. Men like porn, because back when we had even more hair, we were fucking everything we could. And that shit wasn’t immoral, or illegal. If you don’t believe me, go to a zoo and look at a gorilla, who has up to seven women at a time, he will look at you, and his eyes will say, “That’s right bitch!”. If you watch the news, it’s obvious that the monkeyman hasn’t dropped the rest of our “link” to the wild kingdom, so why would we have dropped that one.

So respectful, or lonely guys, do the next best thing . We look at images of women and pretend they want to blow us. It’s a fucking lie, but it works.

I mean even those uptight conservative guys are getting caught in public bathrooms for christ sake, I mean EVERYONE is lying about it.

I’ve said this before, and really, I hope this helps. If you are in a relationship, and you love her. The next time she is too tired for some action. Don’t go downstairs to the Batman console. Just start getting yourself off, right next to her, Maybe even ask if you can grab a tittie when you are ready to pop.

Ten buck says she wakes up, and you get your action, but even if she doesn’t, starting the next morning, it’s a whole new game.

What I think most women are a little cruel about, is the fact that they can go out every night ( If they wanted to) and bring home two, maybe three people. I know that they Don’t want to, but they can. We want to, and we can’t. To rub that shit in a mans face, I think is a little cruel, and what’s more, to say something like, “I don’t even want you to look at pictures of people who you aren’t fucking”, is like eating a steak in front of starving kids, you can do it, but it’s not cool.

Ugly woman are different. I just wish they weren’t ugly.

I love you people

Your pal Randy